Wrath
by Espionage Commitment
Summary: Mayu Hidari has her life all planned out. Steadily take in patients at her independent psychiatry office, marry her long-time boyfriend Kiyoteru somewhere along the way, and boom. Happy life. However, her definition of happiness gets put into question when she meets Kagamine Len and his peculiar group of friends.
1. Summer

When I was a little girl, I kept having these horrible nightmares. I would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming, not knowing where I was or who I was. My parents would burst into the room and hold me until I calmed down and pretended to go back to sleep. The images from those dreams would replay over and over in my mind, and I grew wary of trusting people at school or anywhere else. My classmates called me crazy and one time even cut locks of my unique hair off with safety scissors when I wasn't looking. All of this, because of these terrible nightmares. After the eleventh time they happened, Father took me to a child psychiatrist in a stuffy little building in the city. I didn't like it there, I decided. I was seven years old.

"Do you remember what happens in the nightmares?" the woman asked. Her face was kind and her voice was laced with understanding. I struggled to figure out why.

"Yes," I said, then looked away. My eyes wandered to everywhere but her, examining the little knickknacks strewn across the table that separated us and the creases in the leathery seat I was sinking into. The woman liked to leave long pauses after my short answers.

"Can you tell me about them? Are people you know in it? Your parents?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know anyone in them, except Yuka. Sometimes she's there." Yuzuki Yukari was my only friend in my elementary school. She was so cheerful all the time but was much more intelligent than she let people believe. When those kids cut my hair, she lent me one of her hats and told me I looked even prettier now. Yuka and my parents-they were the only ones I could trust.

"Yuka's your friend?" Another one of her questions she loved to berate me with. I nodded. "What does she do in the dreams?"

"Um..." I shifted my weight around. "Well, she's Yuka, but she's all grown up. She usually just talks to me. She never dies, like the others do."

"The others die? Who are the others?" Her tone became a few octaves lower.

"I don't know who they are." I clasped my head and thought really hard. "And I can't remember their faces when I wake up. I just know there's a pink one, a blue one, a green one, a red one, a purple one, a turquoise one, and two yellow ones."

"Why are there two yellow ones?"

"I don't know. One is a girl and one is a boy. I like the boy the best. He's always really nice to me."

"How do they die, Mayu?"

All the images came flowing back again. Old, European settings and old, Japanese settings, dead bodies filling the streets, people that I knew I loved being stabbed, poisoned, eaten. Why did they have to die? Why did they hurt each other when they were friends the last time? Who were these people and why did my heart hurt so much when I thought of them? There in the psychiatrist's chair, I began to cry.

Never, and I mean never, wear a skirt suit unless your occupation requires it. Also, never go into an occupation which requires you to wear a skirt suit. This is friendly advice. They are like corsets for your legs, they cost more than a month's rent, and they make you look like you have a stick up your-

The door to my right opened, and I found my productive fashion brooding cut short as I remembered why I was here in the first place. Here, as in, a therapist's office, sixteen years after the nightmares that plagued my childhood started. However, I wasn't in this place as a patient this time. In fact, I was a full-fledged psychiatrist myself and had the skirt suit to prove it. When I stood at the sound of the door opening, my stance was awkward to say the least. Still wasn't used to these stupid things.

A young man passed the threshold and into the waiting area. He must have been a patient of the friend I was visiting. My eyes followed him, something strange stirring in my stomach at the sight of this man, though I was quite sure I had never seen him before. Despite this, his golden hair and small stature felt so _familiar_. It somehow made me sad.

I realized that he was looking at me, too. I quickly tucked my purse under my arm and stumbled through the door, trying to push the strange experience behind me.

Kamui Meiko was my mentor during these first years of my practice. Her demeanor may seem sweet and cheerful to some, but those closest to her knew the savagery underneath that beautiful, smiling face. She was, indeed, beautiful. Her tall, slender figure accompanied by short, straight brown hair made her seem so professional. I used to-and still did-admire the aura about her.

"Mayu-san! I see your punctuality is much better than your fashion sense!" she said that sunny Tuesday afternoon. Tea had already been poured and set on the little wooden table in the corner.

"You were the one who kept telling me to get skirt suits! Are you saying I should return this now? Actually, I'm totally okay with that," I replied, squatting strangely in order to sit down. "This may a size too small."

"No, the suit is perfect. I'm talking about your _hair_. When you wrap it into a bun like that, you can't see how pretty it is. It hides all the colors!" She was referring to the fact that at the tips of my sandy blond hair, there lay a rainbow of colors like nothing I had seen naturally on another person. This anomaly always seemed to come up at every family gathering still to this day.

"It distracts people. My patients don't need to be distracted during their sessions."

"You are never going to find a man if you are going to hide all your high points! Next you're going to shove color contacts in your eyes each morning to cover those pretty gold irises."

"How many times," I seethed, "do I have to tell you that I have a boyfriend!?"

Meiko covered her ears. "Lalalala! No, you don't. I don't approve of that man."

"He's more stable than anyone you've set me up with. Come on, he's handsome, he's a doctor, and he's good to me. What more can I ask for? He's also an excuse for you to stop making me go on dates with your ex-patients."

"Well, there is one..." she began.

"Absolutely not! It's unethical and maybe even illegal to keep doing this!"

"I'm not doing anything illegal! Unethical, okay, but not illegal! And this guy, trust me, he's perfect for you. I can feel it."

"How is he perfect?" I asked, very worn out now by all the arguing.

"He's exactly the opposite of Kiyoteru." Kiyoteru, as in, my current boyfriend.

"So, he's unattractive, selfish, sadistic, and unmannered?"

"No, I said the _opposite_ of Kiyoteru, not _exactly like_ Kiyoteru."

That's it, I was going to strangle this woman. Right here. Right now. Sadly, the opportunity passed as a witness showed up at the back door. A man, tall and handsome, clad with long, purple hair and a dark suit, leaned against the wall with a snake-like smile across his lips.

"What are you lovely ladies talking about?" he asked.

"Darling," Meiko said, "please tell Mayu-san that Kiyoteru is all wrong for her."

"Mayu-san, Kiyoteru is all wrong for you," he recited.

Curses, I had been double-teamed. I should have expected this from a husband and wife. "You haven't even met him, Gakupo."

"I don't need to! My senses are not hindered by distance. Kititaru-"

"Kiyoteru," Meiko corrected.

"-Kiyoteru is all wrong!"

I sighed and sank further into my seat. What was to be done with these people?

"I have a deal for you," Meiko said. "If you go to dinner with this one guy, I will never interfere with your love life again!"

"Never again?"

"Never! You don't even have to call it a date. It's just one dinner."

I was getting flashes from all the times this woman had set me up, all the horrors that followed. With heavy reluctance, I said, "Fine. One dinner."

"Yes!" she cheered. "His name is Kagamine Len. Actually, you may have seen him on his way out. That was our last session."

"Really? That guy, huh...?"

"He's cute, isn't he? Not as handsome as my darling husband, but pretty cute."

"You make me blush, sweetie," Gakupo cooed from the background.

"Okay, that's my cue to leave," I said, shakily getting to my feet in these acursed heels. Beauty hurts.

"Remember to wear your hair down for your dinner! It's Friday night, 7 P.M." Meiko handed me the card of the restaurant as I made my way out. Looks like I had to keep a secret from Ki. Though, after this one dinner, life would become much more normal, surely.


	2. Semi-Darkness

My office was much smaller than Meiko's. It consisted of two moderately comfortable chairs facing each other, a modest desk with nothing but the bare essentials, one file cabinet, and a bookshelf, so I could look smart and mature to my clients. Fresh out of college, ready for the world, searching for the gratification of helping others, and hoping that was my purpose in life. My aspirations were big, but I feared something was missing. And it was not just a professional secretary.

Holed up in my hut of an office, sitting rather unladylike on my desk in the semi-darkness, I let the buzz of the city and my life fade away. I whispered to myself a list of what mattered, like I always did when the stress left me unsteady.

"Meiko, Yuka, Gakupo, my new patient, my parents, um…" I thought carefully. "And Ki. Of course, Ki. How could I forget?"

There was a knock on my door. I did a little a jog to the light switch, trying to blink away the tiredness from my eyes. I relaxed my shoulders and confidently opened the door. The woman before me looked at me like I was Death himself, ready to whisk her away.

"You must be Megurine Luka. Come in," I said, quickly adjusting my facial expression to match her solemn frown. As for the rest of her, she was definitely what I considered beautiful. Her smooth pink hair glided down her delicate frame and stopped below the waist. Her face was pointed and flawless, yet her eyes stayed downcast. As she shuffled in and sat down, I noted how her skin was awfully pale, a translucent white.

"My name is Hidari Mayu."

"Hello," she replied quietly. A brief silence ensued.

"We talked on the phone, but, um, would you like to talk about why you called in the first place?" I smoothly pulled out my notebook from my desk drawer and took my seat. Two years interning at Meiko's practice, and I couldn't yet imitate the perfect calm she instilled over her clients.

"I'm…lonely. My friend said I should try a psychiatrist."

"Ah, I see. Are your friends concerned about you?"

"I guess so."

"How old are you? You look quite young."

"So do you."

"A bit younger."

"I'm a sophomore in college."

"What do you study?"

"I'm majoring in graphic design," she droned. I sensed I should change my tactic.

"Why do you feel lonely, Megurine-san?"

"Um…" She looked around until she figured out there was nothing much to look at. "It's difficult to explain."

"That's okay. You don't have to, but if you do, I'm sure I'll understand."

"Sometimes I feel like I don't know those people. Everyone around me. Like I'm out of place, not from this time. Almost every single person is right, but I'm…wrong somehow."

"'Almost every single person.' Are there people who are not 'right' as you perceive yourself being?" I asked, keeping my voice steady and warm.

"A couple. Some I just pass on the street, and I know. Others…"

"Are any of your friends like this?"

"No, but, well, you are."

"Me?"

"I didn't know until I walked into the room, but you're the same. You're like me."

I was a bit taken aback. I thought maybe this was a delusion, or maybe this was her putting her trust in me. Hopefully, it was the latter. Luka went on, "I've been to dozens of other psychiatrists. I always leave, since none of them understood what I was saying."

"Did your last give a referral?"

"Yes, but I ignored it. No one they recommended could help me. I'm glad I found you in an ad in the newspaper."

"That's good that you found me, Megurine-san. Why don't you write down the names of a few of the other psychiatrists you've visited, so I can get to know your experiences better. Would that be okay?"

"Yes! It would be." As she scrawled down a few names onto my pad of paper, I caught a glimpse of a smile. She really was beautiful, yet so sad, even when grinning.

"Thank you. Right, I would like to see you once a week, if that works for you. Every Wednesday. As long as we trust each other, I really believe I can help you, Megurine-san."

"Wednesdays work for me."

"Good."

"Are we done here?"

"If you want it to be."

"I guess I'll go. I'll tell my friends that I'm seeing you now. They'll be happy."

"Have a good day."

"You too."

When she left, I punched the air and exclaimed, "My rent is saved!" Truth be told, I only had one other client at that time, and the end of the month loomed above me like a dark cloud. Luckily, I finally got someone who could trust me walking through that door. As a bonus, what she said had greatly interested me. Feeling like you're from another time.

The end of my work day finally ended, and I could permit myself to relax. With numbers and names still bouncing around my head, I hopped down the stairs, past all the successful psychiatrists who could pay for fancy secretaries and air conditioning, out the door, and into the warm summer air. Ikari was as loud and bustling as always.

I caught sight of a familiar face in the crowd. He was coming toward me, having already traded out his scrubs for one of his "casual" suits. A smile crept onto my face as I met him halfway and dragged him back to the entrance of my building so I could give him a proper hug.

"Ki! What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was able to get off work early," he replied. I was glad he gave me one of his warm smiles, rather than the ones he forced when he was exceptionally busy or stressed. Today was a good day.

"Good. Have you eaten dinner yet? Want to get something?"

"Ah, sorry. I did already eat with some colleagues of mine."

"That's okay." I hid my disappointments better than he could. My boyfriend, Kiyoteru, was not a subtle man. Even his appearance, from his towering stature to his charcoal black hair and eyes, though shielded by glasses, were striking even in the light of the ailing sun.

"Maybe we can do something Friday?"

My heart quickened a bit when I remembered my dinner with Meiko's ex-patient. What was his name again? _Kagamine Len,_ I answered myself rather quickly. "I can't do Friday, sorry. It's a girl's night with Meiko and Yuka." I was sure Yuka would back me up if I asked.

"Can't get in the way of that, then," he said. Yep, I was definitely better at hiding my disappoint than him.

"Saturday? How about Saturday?"

"Saturday it is."

"Great!" I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Want to hang out at my place for a while?"

"Sure."

We hailed a taxi and got in the car without ever letting go of each other's hands.


	3. Mysteries

There it was. My famous hair, down and meticulously combed just as Meiko instructed. I even used a few bobby pins to pull the left side back for a little variety. The restaurant I was going to was one I was familiar with, and a casual dress seemed like my best option. The color red had always suited me, and it didn't fail me now. Usually I wouldn't put in too much effort for these blind dates, but if Meiko caught wind that I wasn't taking her last gasp of playing matchmaker seriously, she would recant her promise. Okay, ready to go.

As I stepped outside, I admired the city lights that danced and livened the night. In the countryside where I grew up, I would see nothing like this. Even on my trips to the psychiatrist, we would never stay until night. Though the stars were nowhere to be seen, I thought this view wasn't too horrible.

I waved frantically to get a taxi's attention, and the vehicle graciously screeched to a halt. The seats were torn and the ride stop-and-go as usual. Just when I began worrying if I would be late, I received a text.

 _Yuka: I still wish you weren't doing this._

I sighed, quickly tapping out my reply. _I'll tell you all about it tomorrow._

Ki would be upset if he heard about this. Not so much with me, but with Meiko. He didn't take to her too well, not that his distaste was unreciprocated. He wasn't a fan of Gakupo either, though he barely knew him. His friends were nice enough, but they seemed too _serious_ for me. All of them held high positions in some company or would inherit a fortune someday. Meanwhile, I was the struggling shrink with the weird friends and the weird hair…

My thoughts wandered to Kagamine Len. I couldn't help but be curious, though our relationship would end when we parted tonight. In the lobby the other day, was it my imagination or did he seem like he recognized me? Did I recognize him? I scoured my memory until we rolled up to the restaurant to no avail. No matter, like I said, we would never be seeing each other again after this dinner.

The hostess told me the gentleman had arrived before me. As she took me to the table, I all of a sudden became rather self-conscious like I was a little high school girl again. This place seemed more laid-back than I remembered. Was I too formal? Too informal?

The man froze when he looked up and saw me. He was definitely the guy I saw in the office, though now he was dressed up and I could see his whole face. I must have met him somewhere before. I must have.

"Hello," I said professionally, as I had rehearsed. "I'm Hidari Mayu. You must be Kagamine Len."

"Yes! Hello. It's good to meet you." He stood so we could shake hands. When our skin touched, the most peculiar sense of déjà vu took me over. Now I was certain we had met. There was no other explanation.

"Have we met each other before?" I asked as I sat, gingerly unfolding the napkin before me and placing it on my lap.

"I… was thinking the same thing," he replied, stumbling on the words a bit. I reminded myself to stop psycho-analyzing for one night, but sometimes I couldn't help it. He seemed very shy. "But, I have no idea where."

"So strange." When the dreaded awkward pause began creeping in, I had to think fast. Usually, Ki would fill up all the space with his day or what he was working on. I would just have to sit and listen, and I didn't mind at all. Before I knew what I was saying, I blurted, "I have a boyfriend!" Then, more softly, "by the way."

"O-Oh," Len squeaked.

"Yeah, um. Not sure if Meiko—er, Kamui-san—told you that. Knowing her, that was probably a detail she left out. Sorry, if this wasn't what you were expecting. Just—sorry." Good job, self. Good job at speaking words.

"That's okay," he said. "Really, I hope we can be friends."

"Good! Good, I think so too." A metric ton of pressure just fell from my shoulders. There was nothing to be guilty about; I was just dining with a friend of a friend. Nothing wrong with that.

"Well, um, what do you do?" he asked. "As a job, I mean."

"I'm a psychiatrist. Kamui-san was my mentor. She's very good at what she does."

"She is. She was very kind to me."

"What do you do?"

"I'm an editor at a local publishing company, actually…"

"Ooh, what do you guys publish?"

"Novels, mostly."

I lit up, zeroing in on that topic of conversation. "Books! I love books!"

"Really?" Len smiled. "What kinds?"

"Mystery, mostly."

"Me too."

A waiter came to take our drink order then. I giggled under my breath at how utterly unfamiliar Len was with wine. He fumbled about the list in front of the server until I finally took pity and suggested one. Honestly, I would have been the same way if Ki wasn't so obsessed with wine.

Our conversation had gained quite a flow to it, and, dare I say, I was enjoying myself. I really couldn't remember the last time I got to know anyone new, and who knows? Maybe Ki would like this guy and start approving of my choice in friends. Not that he exactly disapproved of the ones I had. There was just some kind of disconnect.

 _Like we're from different worlds,_ I mused. I think I knew how Luka felt now.

"So, what's your boyfriend like?" Len asked over the main course.

"Kiyoteru's amazing. Really kind. He's a medical doctor at a local hospital, and we get on pretty well. We met when we were in college, so it's been a few years now."

He nodded enthusiastically for a few seconds too long. "That's great."

"How about you? What are your friends like?" I took the brash assumption that he did not have a girlfriend.

"I'm mainly close to my two friends from college, Taro Kaito and Hatsune Miku. They're both really cheerful people."

"Are they dating?"

"No, no. Kaito just got a new girlfriend, actually. Haven't met her yet, though."

A waitress tapped me on the shoulder. "Here," she said, holding out a small card, "this is from the woman over there—oh, well I guess she left."

After the confused woman wandered off, I looked at the peculiar thing in wonder. "What is it?" Len asked.

"I guess we'll see." Carefully, I opened it up and eyed the green cursive number _6_ that stared back. Then I showed it to Len. "I have no idea what this means."

"It's like a mystery novel. Very exciting."

"I'll hold onto it, then. If my life is thrown into an epic story, I'll definitely tell you."

He grinned. "Good."

The night ended sooner than I expected. We parted as my targeted taxi pulled up. With his number in my phone and his face still fresh in my mind, I went home.


	4. Sometimes

When I heard the knock on my door, I had to brace myself quite thoroughly. I closed my eyes and tried to prepare. _Inhale, one, two…Exhale, one, two…_ Already regretting my decision of inviting these two over, I made my way to the door.

"What did I tell you?" Meiko asked immediately, waving a bottle of wine around like a mad woman. Yuka was standing next to her, a solemn expression on her face. "Kagamine Len is perfect for you. He's sweet and intelligent and _cute—_ "

"Why don't you marry him, then?" I replied. "They can make a reality TV show about you and your two husbands. Or maybe you should just elope with him, then you can harp on about how sweet he is."

"I feel rejected." Meiko slumped her shoulders in defeat. "What about you, Yuka-chan? Are you Team Kiyoteru or Team Len?"

"Can we please go inside before you two starting shouting about my love life?" I said.

"Yes, let's do that," Yuka agreed rather rigidly. Her face was all red, like she was about to explode.

As soon as I shut the door, that's exactly what Yuka did. "I can't _believe_ you set her up on a _date_ with one of your patients, who could very likely be _insane,_ when she finally has a boyfriend and he's actually _stable._ "

"I'm only looking out for dear Mayu's happiness—"

"And Mayu, I can't believe _you_ went along with this. You are in a serious relationship. You shouldn't have gone off with some random man."

"Hey, I've been granted immunity from all Meiko's set-ups for the rest of my life. A single dinner with a guy who was _not_ insane has been worth it. It wasn't even a date. I told him within the first five minutes that I have a boyfriend."

"Damn it," Meiko grumbled.

"I'm not in love with him. I don't hate him. I think we are going to be good friends."

Both women seemed very unsatisfied, but when the wine is out and the moon is up, nothing could tear a rift between us for long. I was so relieved when the conversation shifted to work and friends and other normal things; however, every once in a while, Yuka would look at me in such a way I had never seen before. Warning? Suspicion? Sadness?

Yuzuki Yukari had been my best friend since grade school. We just naturally gravitated toward each other, I guess, and she was always there during my more tumultuous times. Sometimes she acted so mature, other times she was so child-like and excitable. Her purple pigtails made her look younger than twenty-three.

"Is your boss still giving you a hard time?" I asked Yuka as we lounged on my frayed, creaking couch, each of us on our third glass of wine. She had been in and out of work since graduating college, where she majored in philosophy. The world wasn't too kind to philosophers, or young psychiatrists for that matter. Currently, she worked at a call center whose manager needs to get a life.

"Of course. She would need to experience a category five mid-life crisis to actually smile."

"Are there at least any cute guys at the center?" Meiko asked, because what else would be on this grown woman's mind besides love life gossip?

"No," Yuka replied flatly.

"I thought as much, so I arranged a little get-together to push you two into the social world."

"Hey, I'm social," I shot.

"Before the dinner with Len yesterday, when was the last time you went out with anyone besides Kiyoteru and his dull doctor buddies?"

"…Well, get on with it then."

"Us three, Kagamine Len and his friends, my wonderful husband, and...Kiyoteru, I guess."

"Len's friends?" I asked. "Is it—what's their names—Miku and Kaito?"

"Yes, actually, plus someone named Gumi. Funny how you remember so much about your conversation with Kagamine Len."

"It was last night. I have a good memory."

"Yuka? You in?"

She sighed, definitely in mature mode tonight. "If only to keep you two out of trouble."

"Yes! This is going to be so much fun! We're going to the festival. I'm assuming you two didn't have any other plans."

Ki didn't really want to go this year, and I didn't really mind. Maybe now that it's a group thing, he'd be more open, or something… "I'll talk to Ki about it."

"Fair enough, but don't let him dictate your life."

"You know I'll never let _that_ happen."

Soon, they went back to their respective homes, and I was left in my bed as the clock struck one in the morning, thinking about the festival and Meiko and Ki and Len.

I was on my third cup of tea that next Wednesday morning, trying unsuccessfully to calm my nerves while, at the same time, denying that the nerves existed in the first place. Sometimes I wondered how stable a psychiatrist had to be to help unstable people. Maybe I should have stopped thinking about it. Maybe I should have stopped drinking so much caffeine. I poured myself another cup.

Tonight was the festival Meiko had so graciously invited everyone to. Ki had finally acquiesced into going just the previous night, after several days of non-stop beratement and whining every time we spoke to each other. No, I didn't need to go with him. No, he was not dictating my life. However, with all of Meiko's insinuations, meeting Len again seemed wrong somehow if Ki wasn't at my side.

Picking up the unfinished novel on my desk, I found where I had left off and attempted to immerse myself. I ended up reading the same paragraph five times before giving up on my ability to concentrate. Woah, my cup emptied quite quickly. _Hello, number five—_

A knock on my door. I immediately checked the time and damned it for moving so quickly without my consent. After hastily checking my hair and business attire in the mirror against the wall, I let my lovely client in for her second weekly appointment.

"Megurine-san, so good to see you," I greeted. "Would you like some tea?"

"I'm good, Hidari-san, thank you." Luka smile reached her eyes.

"Did something happen? You seem to be in a happy mood today," I observed, joining her back on those semi-comfortable chairs I hated so much.

"Actually, something did." She giggled. She _giggled._ Was this the same woman who came sulking into my office last week? "I met someone. Someone really nice and handsome…"

I smirked in understanding. "That's fantastic! What's he like?"

"He's really mature and charming. A bit older than me, but not too much. We've only just met, but I can really feel a connection, you know?"

"Is this man _different?_ Like how you describe yourself and me?"

"Do you have a significant other, Hidari-san?" Luka asked. I wrote down in my notes that she averted my question.

"As a matter of fact, I do," I said cautiously.

"How did you feel when you first met?"

I thought about it. "Well, um. We sat next to each other in a class at our university. I suppose I felt…intrigued and a little embarrassed."

Her expression grew serious. "Do you have a picture of him?"

"I think we should talk about you again, Megurine-san. This session should be focused on you, after all."

"Is that him, right there?" She pointed to a picture frame on the bookshelf closest to her. The photo was of Ki and me, arms around each other, in front of our university entrance. It was taken the day he graduated med-school.

"Yes, it is."

"He isn't one of us," she said. "He isn't like you or me. I didn't feel intrigued or embarrassed when I met this man I hope to see again. I felt love."

"Love…takes time."

"Sometimes."

"Sometimes."

I scribbled down: _has grown attached quickly to older man._ Then I crossed it out, instead writing under it: _has fallen in love._

When she left, I poured myself another cup.


	5. The Parasite

As dusk descended upon the city, the cicadas that found their homes in the trees that lined the roads began filling the air with their song. They reminded me of home, so far away from this place. Most things in life are inevitable, I decided. The cicadas' song at twilight, the nightmares I still had every once in a while, me standing here on this particular evening, waiting for this particular man to take me to those particular people. Meiko thought inevitability was a fallacy, that we have a choice in the paths of our lives. I thought of Luka Megurine and how she believed destiny affected everything that had happened to her. Choosing to believe in fate or not, I felt that decision in and of itself was a crossroad, and whatever I picked dictated the rest of my life.

"You seem to be in another place right now. What are you thinking so intensely about?"

I focused myself back on reality and on the man in front of me. "Ki, hi. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. Facts and figures and patients, you know."

He adjusted his glasses and smiled. "You look beautiful tonight. You've been wearing your hair down more. I like it."

"Thanks." I blushed, weaving my arm around his and beginning to walk deeper into the city.

"I'm sorry I have been a bit distant lately. A higher position in the hospital just opened up…I've been a little preoccupied with trying to get it."

"It's alright," I replied. "I'm happy you can be here tonight. I know you don't like my friends all that much."

"I like them." He didn't sound too sincere. "It's just that you and them seem to be in your own world sometimes. Maybe I'm just jealous."

"You shouldn't be." I stopped and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. "You're the one I care most about."

And he was. He definitely was.

I heard the music from two blocks away. My stomach fluttered with anticipation and nerves. Meeting new people was never really my forte. It was a wonder that I had any friends at all. The summer heat was not at all diminished by night, but magnified by the crowd forming on the streets. By the time we arrived at the tori gate of the shrine, I was pretty convinced I was going to faint. Ki kept me steady on my feet as our arms remained linked together.

The shrine was beautiful. Stalls lined the road leading up to the stage where the _kagura_ dance was to be performed. Glowing red and yellow lanterns illuminated the laughing faces of the men, women, and children that buzzed about the place. I couldn't remember the last time I went to one of these festivals. Ten years, at least.

A familiar figure leaned against the first stall as we walked in. A smile spread across my face. "Hey, Ki. There's Len. I told you about him." I began pulling him toward my new friend.

"Given names already, huh?" Ki mumbled. A pang of guilt hit my chest. It had taken me a month to muster up the courage to call him "Kiyoteru." I hadn't even noticed that I was saying "Len." It just seemed natural somehow.

When Len saw me, his face lit up. The light dimmed a little when he saw Kiyoteru, but I tried not to look too much into it. I took a vow a long time ago to not psycho-analyze my friends. And that's what Len and I were, friends. "Hey, Len. This is Kiyoteru. Ki, this is Len."

"Pleasure meeting you," Ki said stiffly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"Same here," Len replied just as stiffly. "Um, no one else is here yet."

I could sense an atmosphere spreading. As the uncomfortable silence ensued, I took in Len's appearance. Jeans and button-down shirt. I didn't think I was too formal in my sundress since Ki was in his suit. Then again, Ki was always in his suit. I began to doubt myself.

A slightly tipsy voice from right behind startled me out of my wits. "What's with all the glum faces? Are Kiyoteru and Len going to fight for Mayu's affect—"

I spun around and slammed my hand over Meiko's mouth. She looked at me, red-faced and bleary-eyed, not understanding why I was freaking out. "Honestly." I sighed. "How are you already drunk? Didn't you just get here?"

It was then I noticed Gakupo holding his wife up by the shoulders. "Yes, well. I found her half an hour ago curling up next to a bottle of wine in the corner. Who knows what she was thinking."

"Hey! I heard that!" Meiko snapped.

"Well, Len, you already know Kamui Meiko. This is her husband, Gakupo."

"Hello, nice to meet you," Len said. Gakupo gave a nod, struggling to keep a belligerent Meiko from running off.

"Here, let me take care of Meiko. You men converse about whatever men converse about. Try not to be too awkward, all of you." Taking the grown child in my arms, I began to shuffle away, trying to take her somewhere she wouldn't cause a scene.

I put her down under a tree a little way off from the festivities. My muscles already ached, and it hadn't been fifteen minutes yet. Plopping down next to my friend, I waited a moment before saying, "I know you're not that drunk. You think drinking before meeting people is distasteful, and I've seen you drunk. This is not how you usually act." Most of the time, she just drifted off into some serene utopia, far away. Every once in a while, she would say something remarkably philosophical, then fall back into her reverie. "What's up?"

Her eyes focused slightly, and her face began shifting to its normal pallor. A deep frown nested on her lips. "Nothing, nothing's up. I'm just overreacting."

"Okay, what are you overreacting to?"

"Gakupo just seems different lately. I've been reading up on marriage psychology, and I just keep seeing horrible signs."

"You know better than anybody that you can't give therapy to yourself. Every marriage is different. Besides, I know for a fact that Gakupo loves you more than anyone on this planet, and you feel the same about him. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"It's not always enough."

"It should be."

She rested her head against the bark. "Could you…keep an eye on him for me? Just—watch him in case there's anything suspicious?"

"I'm not a detective."

"I know, but I think you would make a great one. You read those mystery novels all the time anyway. Bestow your powers of observation upon my marriage, oh great Mayu-sama." She mock-bowed.

I laughed. "Alright, if it'll make you feel better. Come on, put back on your mask of drunkenness, and we'll save the males from each other. However, no more comments about Len and Ki fighting for my affections."

"It's a deal."

As we got back into character, a small parasite of fear nestled its way into my heart. Gakupo and Meiko were the strongest couple I had ever met, but all this talk had planted doubt. When we approached the others, Gakupo smiled warmly at his wife. _No,_ I told myself, _everything was going to be okay._


	6. An Omniscient Eye

Miku and Kaito were, in a word, beautiful. I had honestly never seen such attractive people in my life, besides my love Kiyoteru, of course. However, even he had to admit these people were on a whole other level ethereal beauty.

Miku donned a form-fitting white dress, cyan twin tails cascading down to her waist. Her face was porcelain and perfect as her striking eyes which matched the color of her hair peered in curiosity as she approached our growing group of new friends. Kaito, who arrived with the aforementioned, was equally celestial. His royal blue hair framed his sharp jawline to perfection, and every woman he passed by gazed in fascination. The last person in the small group approaching was Gumi, as Len pointed out. She was a cute girl with short, green hair but something was slightly off with her expression. It was very… uninterested.

"It's good to meet you!" Miku greeted me as they went around with introductions.

"You are a very pretty person," I replied numbly.

She smiled. "Thank you. You're so kind. I can see why Len thinks so highly of you."

I just remembered how hot it was in this place. "He's told me great things about you, too."

When Kaito came around, I think the words that came out of my mouth were all gibberish, but I blacked it out so I wouldn't remember. My first encounter with Gumi was slightly less intimidating.

"Hello, I'm Mayu," I said.

"I'm Gumi," she responded monotonously. "I apologize that I don't know much about you. Are you dating Len?"

"No! No, actually, my boyfriend is Kiyoteru. He's the guy in the suit right over there. Um, I heard you're dating Kaito?"

To my surprise, she blushed a deep red. "Y-Yes."

Before we could speak any further, Meiko announced in a mock slur that we were splitting up to gather food. We would all pay for something and meet up at the picnic tables for a feast. _Ah, what it is to be young._

With the stealth of a shadow, I made sure to go to a stall close to Gakupo's choice, as Mission Keep-An-Eye-On-My-Husband has already commenced. Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing. He was just a bored man waiting in line. No mysterious phone calls were made. No rendezvous. He didn't even glance at the attractive women ogling him, and I found a strange kind of satisfaction with that. _Gakupo would never do anything to hurt Meiko. It's against the laws of nature._

I fumbled with my purse as the stall owner pretended to be patient. By the time I had the money on the table and the _taiyaki_ in hand, I had lost my target in the crowd. Giving up the chase, I tried to fix my abominable hair as I made my way to the designated picnic table. Only one other person had come out of the gauntlet by the time I arrived.

"Miku, hi!" I beamed at her, slipping onto the bench opposite her.

"Hey! Are those _taiyaki?_ I've always thought they were so cute!" she replied.

I looked at the fish-shaped buns. "They are. It's amazing how much food there is here. I grew up in the country, so I've never been to one of these things."

"I grew up in the country too! The city can be so overwhelming… I heard you are psychiatrist?"

"Yeah, but I'm not nearly as good as Meiko. My practice is rather small. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a model."

"That makes a lot of sense." My nerves were ravaging my entire soul. These people were so interesting and beautiful and _nice._ I had hardly spent half an hour with them, and it felt like we'd known each other our whole lives. _It was like this with Len, too._

"Hey, um, I feel a bit awkward asking this since we just met, but…" Miku shifted uncomfortably. "Kaito. I'm worried about him. I don't really trust that Gumi girl all too much. She's very sketchy."

Gumi? Sketchy? She was quiet, definitely, but deceitful? I looked at my new friend's desperate eyes. I think I understood what was going on. "Well, I don't know her well, of course, but go on."

"I was just wondering if you could keep watch over Kaito whenever you can. Just—make sure he's okay."

"Alright, I can do that."

"You seem like a trustworthy person."

 _I do?_ Being trustworthy means spying on everyone? Gakupo, now Kaito. I felt this vague pressure pushing down on my heart.

The rest of the group started popping up here and there. Meiko and Gakupo came back together, and so did Kaito and Gumi. Still unsure how to go about this, I kept a wary watch on both men. Soon came the next wave of Len, Yuka, and Ki, and at long last, I could consume this glorious food.

"Here's the deal," Yuka whispered to me during the meal. "I don't like Gumi very much. Can you keep an eye on her?"

"Sure."

Then Gakupo. "I'm worried about Meiko. Her drunkenness has somehow changed. Can you watch over her to make sure she's okay?"

"Of course."

Kaito. "I hear you're getting close to Len. Sometimes I don't know what's going on in his head. Would you mind observing him every once in a while—just to make sure he's alright."

"Yeah, I'll do it."

Even Gumi broke her pointed silence. "Miku doesn't seem to like me very much. This is a lot to ask, but can you check if she does anything out-of-character?"

My head was spinning by the time we threw our trash away and headed for the balcony to watch the fireworks. I would look at someone, try to decipher if anything was strange, then move onto the next person. Over and over and _nothing was strange._ Absolutely _nothing._ The only out-of-character person was _me_ because I was half-drunk with confusion and staring at people for too long and avoiding all conversation and having a mini panic attack—

"Hey, are you okay?" Ki's voice pierced the crippling noise. When I opened my eyes, his hand was on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sighed. "I'm just stressed, I guess."

"It's going to be alright." He kissed the top of my head, and I could feel a presence watching us.

I got my mind back in gear. All these people were only asking for small favors, after all. If I didn't come up with anything, they would all understand. "Thanks."

Ki stopped walking all of a sudden. I twisted my head around to see what he was looking at. It was just an older man with a perfectly crisp business suit, much like my boyfriend's. "That's my boss," he mumbled.

"Oh," I said. "Go over and talk to him."

"No, the fireworks are about to start." But he kept looking in his direction.

"I'll be fine. Go ahead."

"Are you sure?"

I gave a rather convincing smile. "I'm sure."

As he stalked off toward his superior, I concentrated on watching people again. To my grand relief, nothing really interesting was happening. However, it wasn't long until I had a new companion on our walk.

"Hey," Len said.

"Hey. We haven't gotten to talk much at all, have we?"

"Nope. Where's Ki?"

"Well, he's up for a promotion at the hospital, and he spotted his boss. I insisted he go mingle."

"Ah, I see. Have you gotten any leads on that mysterious note?"

I wanted to punch myself. "Damn, I forgot all about it. It should still be in my other purse. So far, though, nothing particularly magical has happened to me yet."

"In due time, I'm sure."

We made it to a railing overlooking a darkened lake. Everyone leaned against it and looked up at the sky, waiting for the sparks in their eyes to illuminate the black. Gumi and Kaito were closest to us, and the love in their faces almost caught me off-guard. Miku was a little farther down the line, her expression telling me all about the heartache she felt right then.

"You seemed a little down earlier," Len commented.

"It was nothing, really." For some reason, I felt the impulse to tell the truth. "Six different people asked me to basically spy on other people. I just met most of them, so why would they trust me like that?"

He thought about it. "You seem like a trustworthy person."

"So I've been told."

"Did anyone ask for you to spy on me."

I smiled. "Maybe."

"It was Kaito, wasn't it?"

"My lips are sealed. After all, I am a trustworthy person."

"I feel betrayed."

All of a sudden, a great ball of red light appeared in the sky and exploded into thousands of shards. The crowd cheered. Then came another, then another. I laughed at the beauty of it, sneaking a glance at Len who was sneaking a glance at me. The rainbow of lights danced off his face and his smile. The weight of it all lifted off my shoulders.

When we all finally headed back to the entrance, a peace settled between us. No more distrust or envy, if only for tonight. That was until I saw Ki waiting on the asphalt to walk me home. Hello, guilt, my old friend, it's nice to see you again.

Dancing lights and smiles and feelings that somehow came naturally, all of this was just fantasy I could not afford to dwell on. I had Ki. I had a wonderful boyfriend. Even though nothing really happened between me and the boy whose name I chose not to speak directly in my mind, I felt so horrible, like I could not possibly the trustworthy person they perceived me as. Not when I had these unforgivable thoughts.


	7. The Bond of Spies

College was my first opportunity to go somewhere where no one knew who I was. No one knew my past. No one's moms met with my mom every Sunday for tea. No one would see me as a mentally disturbed person because I went to therapy for several years when I was just a kid. A clean slate in a beautiful city with endless possibilities. Doors were beginning to open. Dreams were set into motion. At this grand juncture of my life, Kiyoteru and I met.

We did, as I told Luka, sit next to each other in one of my psychology courses. I was a freshman who never had an affinity for conversation, and he was a very tall, very attractive junior who struggled just as much as me when it came to socializing. When I told Yuka about him, she was already planning the wedding. I had never found myself even remotely interested in any of the guys in our old town, mainly because they were all jerks, so I believed her when she told me this was infatuation, the first step in the foreign system of love.

One day I spotted a novel peeking out of his bag. That night, I looked it up on the internet and tried to memorize as much about it as I could. Next time I had that class, I overdramatically leaned over and stared at the book.

"That's a great book," I said. My voice was much smaller than I wanted it to be.

He seemed startled at the break in the silence. "Is it? I just started reading it."

"Yes! Um, I recommend it." Crap! I didn't plan beyond this point.

He cocked his head to the side. "Are you interested in history?" The novel I so diligently looked into was nonfiction history after all.

"I like anything that has a good story," I replied. "Mostly mystery, though."

"Mystery… I've never gotten into the genre."

"M-Maybe I could show you some good ones sometime."

He smiled. "I'd like that."

Bam. The beginning of a long and passionate romance. This is the stuff of novels, so keep notes. We started dating within the month, and I believed this was it. My whole life was rolled out like a tapestry before me. Obtain my psychology degree, become certified in psychiatry, somehow find someone to mentor me, start my own practice, marry this man along the way as we supported each other in our ambitious dreams. Boom. Boom. Done. Life made. Life complete.

Life over before you know it.

No, that last part was a stray thought. I tucked it away just like I was tucking my disobedient hair behind my ears at the moment I realize I was stuck in dream-mode way too long. Even though Ki was accompanying me on this reconnaissance mission, I couldn't let myself become distracted.

"Are they still there?" I whispered to my unwilling accomplice.

"Yes," he answered with a sigh, a spark of sunlight glinting off his pair of our matching sunglasses. He went back to sneaking peeks around the corner, apparently unhappy that he was forced to do the grunt work. I was the brains behind the operation, I would remind him.

"Good. Are they doing anything suspicious? Any unidentified darkly dressed men approach them? Any packages being nonchalantly dropped off? Are they conspiring an assassination? What are you seeing, man?"

"They're eating ice cream."

"A great cover, I'll give them that."

In all seriousness, I didn't want to be here just as much as Ki didn't. Miku had been berating me all week with requests for updates on my investigation. She and Yuka both really didn't trust this Gumi girl, so what was I to do? Some might call it spying. I called it being badass. Plus, it was a grand opportunity to spend quality time with my wonderful boyfriend.

"They're on the move," Ki said.

I hopped to my feet, adjusting my hoodie so my hair wouldn't tip them off. Real professional-like, we followed our targeted couple, Kaito and Gumi, as they held hands a bit awkwardly. Rather, Gumi was a bit awkward about it. I got the feeling she wasn't used to this romance thing and couldn't help but sympathize. My head nearly exploded with embarrassment when Ki kissed me for the first time… If Miku and Yuka only suspected her because of her quiet aura, my next task would be assassination. From a jealous model (and obviously, she was jealous), maybe that was possible, but then again, from Yuka? Yuka wouldn't outright accuse like that unless she had a strong discomfort in this person.

My phone vibrated, so I let Ki take the lead and pulled it out. A text from Len. We hadn't chatted since yesterday, and I was a little peeved he didn't see my plethora of messages, after I got to the climax of a book he recommended to me the night before. Of course, it was water under the bridge now.

 _Len: What's been happening today?_

A standard way we began our conversations. I replied, _That's classified._ I always tried to keep my grammar sharp like he did while texting.

 _Len: Does this have to do with the mysterious note or the mysterious spying requests?_

 _It's not spying. It's being badass._

 _Len: Give me updates! Maybe I could join you._

For some reason, I felt really weird. No, the mission is almost over. Next time, maybe. I didn't mention Ki.

Gumi and Kaito walked into a CD store. We had no choice but to loiter outside, stealing glances here and there through the window.

"You're really getting close to these people, huh?" Ki asked about ten minutes in. We had gotten tired quickly in the summer sun.

"Yeah… They're all kind, in their own ways. Even though we don't have much in common… I think we click. Do you like them?"

"I do," he lied. "They're very interesting, I guess."

"You don't have to go on these missions with me if you don't want to."

"If I can spend time with you, I guess being a spy isn't so bad."

I grinned at him. "Thank you."

During our little conversation, I had been staring through the window. I failed to notice, evidently, how long I was doing this. For a split second, Gumi's eyes lifted from the headphones she was carrying to the strange girl window shopping, and I swear, recognition flickered across her face.

"Abort mission," I said quietly, swiftly taking hold of Ki's arm and dragging him away. "We've been spotted."

The sound of footsteps rushed up behind us and someone's hand fell onto my shoulder. Gumi.

"Can I talk to you a second?" she asked breathlessly. Kaito was nowhere in sight.

 _No, no, no, no, no._ "Of course. Ki, can you give us a moment?"

He nodded shakily and walked up ahead, out of earshot. Gumi face hardened as soon as she composed herself. "What are you doing here? I told you to watch Miku."

"You _asked_ me to watch Miku, and if you haven't noticed, a lot people want a lot of other people watched."

"What, are you a private detective now? You took her side?" She didn't need any help from me figuring out who wanted an eye kept on her.

"I haven't taken anyone's side. I was planning on pseudo-stalking Miku next Thursday. Look—I'm sorry I followed you. I'll stop now, alright?"

Her grasp on my shoulder softened. "Alright. Alright, sorry. I shouldn't judge you for doing what I was asking you to do anyway. Uh, don't mention this to Kaito, okay?"

"Okay."

When I made it back to Ki, he looked quite concerned. "What did she say?"

"She wants me to stop following her."

"And you're not going to do that, are you?"

I gave a small chuckle. "You know me so well."


	8. Singing and Dancing

Summer was drawing to a close before I knew it. My life seemed to be going so sluggishly until that July when I met Len and the rest of them. I thought that after my university days, summers would just blend in with the rest of the year, but even now, it was like a closing of a chapter. What was Meiko's way of ending a chapter? Going out and having a great time, of course.

The karaoke bar was a strange mix of teenagers and middle-aged women, and I doubted our ragtag group of models, psychiatrists, editors, and whatever-Gumi-was didn't exactly blend in, especially when we discovered all nine of us were pretty damn good singers. The whole gang was here. Len, Ki, Yuka, Meiko, Gakupo, Miku, Kaito, Gumi…

Meiko and Gakupo were stealing the stage currently as a husband-wife duet, which I would have found extremely sweet, if the song wasn't this loud and fast dance tune which gave me a horrible headache. I drifted away from everyone else toward the back, sticking to my glass of water. Last time I got drunk, I ended up making a huge fool of myself in front of Ki, not that I remembered it all too well.

My lips pulled up into a small smile when I saw Len heading toward me. It had been a week since the last time I saw him in person. He seemed like such a natural presence in my life, so much so that it was scaring me a little. Was I really this quick to trust people? Or was it just that Len and I got along so well?

"Hey," he said.

"Hi. Why didn't you tell me you were an awesome singer? That song from earlier was... wow."

"I could say the same to you." He grinned, leaning against the wall and joining me in watching Meiko and Gakupo. "However, I'm here to ask about your other amazing talent. How's the investigation going?"

"Well, I've been a bit tied up recently with clients. I was going to ask Gumi some friendly one-on-one questions tonight, but she's been clinging to Kaito this whole time."

"Gumi is a kind girl, I think," he replied thoughtfully. "What she said to you was pretty suspicious, but I still get the impression that she's a good person. Kaito definitely loves her."

"I agree with you, but… I don't think I can let this go. Something is telling me I shouldn't. I won't ask you to get involved with this if you're uncomfortable, by the way. I would totally understand if you don't want me to talk about it with you."

"No, I don't mind! As long as you bring me on your next mission, of course."

I thought of Ki and what he said about spending time together. It dealt a blow to my stomach, but I replied, "Deal."

Miku had taken the microphone as the music began to slow down. She closed her eyes and swayed along to the words of the melancholy song. Her voice was simply dazzling. Ki had stood up, motioning me to come over to the dance floor, where an abundance of others were already in each other's arms, dancing to the music.

"Ah, I think Ki wants to dance with me. I'll be right back." I don't know why, but this once again gave me a surge of guilt.

"Yeah, okay." Len's voice was unnecessarily accepting. "Go ahead. Yeah, of course. Yeah…"

I gave him a sad smile, put my water down on the table and rushed over to Ki. We intermingled ourselves into the crowd. I placed both my hands on his shoulders as he did with my waist. The memory of the first time we danced like this came back to me. We were so nervous around each other then.

"I have good news," he said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I got that promotion at work."

"Really? Oh, my God, that's great!" I beamed up at him. "I'm so proud of you."

He was smiling so widely, but there was something off in his eyes. Even in the darkness, I could see it. Pushing down my instincts, I tried to enjoy the moment and rested my head against Ki's chest. No matter how hard I tried, guilt followed me everywhere, even here. The pressure of everyone's happiness weighed down on my shoulders. Sooner rather than later, all of this tension would reach its climax. Things would have to change, but I didn't want them to. Or did I? All I knew was that I wanted to stay in the arms of the man I was meant to be with.

Miku's haunting voice faded away, and the song ended. I noticed her prancing off stage with a glint in her eye, whispering something in Gumi's ear, and making her way toward us.

"May I steal your boyfriend for a song?" she asked, but she was already dragging Ki away. Before I knew it, Gumi was onstage with yet another slow song, and I was left slightly lost in the middle of the dancefloor.

"U-Um," someone stuttered from behind me. I turned to see Len, avoiding eye contact and shifting his feet about nervously. "Would you like to dance?"

"Yeah," I blurted. "Okay."

Now I was the one avoiding eye contact. I placed one hand on his shoulder while the other found its way into his own as they were suspended between us. His other hand rested on my waist. Different from Ki. Everything about him was different than Ki. My heartbeat shook my entire body, and I hated myself. I hated myself so much. I hated that I was blushing and I hated that his hands were so warm and I hated that I couldn't make up my mind.

"What's wrong?" Len asked. We were swaying now to the music. Gumi was just as good as Miku. "If this is too weird, I'll stop."

"No, it's fine. We can stay like this."

And we did. No words were exchanged between us, but it was comforting somehow. Just being there with him, my friend… _My friend._ I just wanted to die. How could I be such a horrible person? I loved Ki so much, and he loved me. Yet, here I was, enjoying myself. I wanted the song to end, but I wanted it to continue forever at the same time. Of course, the latter wish didn't come true. The song ended, and I could only say "That was nice" to Len before I ran off, confused and scared with tears in my eyes. I found a corner behind the little karaoke stage where no one would find me. That's what I thought, at least.

"Gumi," I greeted as the girl wormed her way next to me on the floor. I talked as if it was perfectly normal to be hiding in a karaoke bar from all of my friends. "Is everyone getting ready to leave or something?"

"Len's a great guy, isn't he?"

"Huh?" I blinked my way out of my pitiful stupor. "Yeah, I guess he is."

"I think I know what's going on with you."

 _I wish I knew what was going on with_ you. My investigation all of a sudden didn't seem to matter that much. "Really?"

"Yes. I also think that you should probably pick one of them before they both get hurt."

"How, though?"

"Just think of it this way," she said. "Which guy do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with?" Gumi shrugged, like this was a trivial matter, and pushed herself up. "We are all going, by the way, in ten minutes or so."

Taking a deep breath, I shakily stood up and maneuvered myself out of there. When I saw Ki, embarrassment filled me to the brim. "Where were you?" he asked.

"I just needed some fresh air."

"I checked outside. You weren't there."

"Well…" I didn't know what to say.

He took my hand and began leading me out of the bar. I barely got to shout a goodbye to everyone, and to Len. His smile was wistful, but I couldn't dwell on it long. Some kind of intensity was emanating from my boyfriend as we made it outside. Barely anyone littered the streets, and I wondered what time it was.

"I want you to stop hanging around Len so much," he said, turning me around to face him. His expression was cold.

"Huh?" I had to process that.

"He's obviously trying to get close to you, and you're letting him!" I had never seen Ki angry before.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't want it to look that way."

"It doesn't just look that way. It _is_ that way, don't you see? He's try to steal you away from me."

"He's not trying to _steal_ me!" I snapped. "I'm not some object that can be stolen, and he isn't that kind of person. He hasn't tried to do anything."

"Why are you defending him?"

"Why are you freaking out? You're going to have to trust me, Ki. I would never do something to hurt you." No matter how much doubt crept into my heart, I would never, ever do that.

His expression seemed to soften. "Listen, I-I'm sorry. I'll call a cab—"

I gently tugged my hand out of his grasp. "I think I'm better off just walking home."

"Let me go with you, then. It's dangerous—"

"I can take care of myself."

And I walked away, keeping myself from crying a whole five blocks. I didn't know who I was madder at. Ki or myself. The fact that he yelled at me or the fear that what he said was true. Either way, I needed to cry. When I got home to my lonely apartment, I collapsed into bed and fell right asleep.

It was the first time in a very long time that I had one of those nightmares. A girl with beautiful cyan hair and another with green hair were in what seemed to be a doctor's office, but everything was so old and European. The green-haired girl was mincing some herb and the cyan one offered me a vial. I told myself not to take it, but I did. Then there came the bodies.

When I woke up, I pulled out my phone and hovered my finger over Ki's number, then Len's. Slamming my fist against my nightstand, I threw the phone on the ground and tried going back to sleep. It was a long night.


	9. News Spreads Quickly

All the guilt, all the pressure, all the anger and fear and hurt, they swirled within the basin in my stomach, swirling, swirling, swirling like a hurricane. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw the images that pestered my nightmares or the look on Ki's face when I told him I was going home alone. I couldn't even think of Len—too much confusion bubbled up with him. It had been three days since karaoke night, and I hadn't talked to anyone since. I would have turned off my phone, but work was work, and working was a great distraction. Another great distraction: clicking my pen. My poor, defenseless pen. _Click, click, click, click, click._

"Hidari-san?" Luka asked warily, lifting her dream-like eyes in my direction and probably wondering why her psychiatrist was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Oh, sorry, Megurine-san." I stopped clicking the pen. "I must have dozed off for a second. I've been having trouble sleeping."

"That's fine, Hidari-san." She smiled serenely. "Everything's fine."

I was half-worried that Luka was getting high before our meetings, but from what she told me, the only drug she was on was love. For over a month, I had been hearing non-stop about this mystery man she had fallen so hard for, and for over a month, she had never uttered his name. She came into my office that first day because of depression, which she obviously didn't have anymore. However, I was not confident in clearing her. Something about this almost child-like obsession with this older gentleman just made me want to keep an eye on her.

"U-Um, school started back up for you this week, correct? How has it been?" I hastily pushed myself back on track.

She reverted to gazing out the window, that absent-minded grin creeping up on her face. "Wonderful. The days go by so quickly."

"I thought it would be harder—not seeing that man as often."

"Actually, we've been seeing each other more now."

"Really?" I wrote that down. "He definitely feels the same way about you, then?"

"I think so. I hope so."

"Have you had sexual intercourse with him?"

"You have a new picture on that bookshelf…"

"What is his name?"

"I like this picture. You finally found more people like us."

I sighed, acquiescing into her direction of conversation. The photograph she was referring to was of all my new friends, old friends, and myself, smiling and huddling together like we were having the best times of our lives together. A longing for that day took hold of my heart. Things were much simpler then. "People like us. Who in that picture is like us, Megurine-san?"

"Everyone. Every single one. Except your boyfriend, of course. He will always be out-of-place."

A lengthy silence stretched out between us. All the thoughts and feelings I had been trying to suppress crashed over me. I clicked my pen a few times. I really wanted to make a cup of tea. My head began to ache, so I closed my eyes and tried to get it together.

"We haven't, by the way. Not yet."

"You haven't…" I gathered my thoughts. "You haven't had sexual intercourse?"

"No. I think he's afraid that I'm not ready, but I am."

"Maybe he's not ready."

She gave me an alarmed look. "You may be right."

"I'm glad I'm right about one thing." Then my phone beeped. Time was up. The session was over. "Well, I hope to be seeing you next week, Megurine-san."

"I wouldn't miss it. I really like these Wednesdays with you, Hidari-san. I feel like you're a real friend."

"I'm glad you feel that way."

Her dress fluttered behind her like water, calm and tranquil water, and she left, taking her calmness and tranquility with her.

Girls' Night was never as tense as it was that Friday. I didn't think they would even show up, but lo and behold, Meiko and Yuka showed up on my doorstep right on time, bottles of wine cradled in their arms like children.

"Hey," I said numbly, bracing myself for whatever onslaught they were about to throw at me. _"Why didn't you text us back?" "Why are you isolating yourself?" "You made us worried!"_

"Hey." Meiko's voice was filled with pity.

I stepped aside to let in the two vagabonds. "Did Ki tell you what happened or something?"

Yuka shook her head, carefully placing the wine on my coffee table. "Someone overheard the argument back at the bar. News spread around fast."

"So, everyone knows." _Len knows._

"Yeah…" Meiko cringed as she said the words. "You haven't texted us, so I'm assuming you haven't made up yet?"

"No. He hasn't tried to reach out to me, and I haven't tried to reach out to him." We were always a little competitive like this. Who can give the better Christmas present? Who could be more loyal, more affectionate, more of a braggart about each other to our co-workers? I always seemed to lose, but not this time.

"Well, this is what we call a 'friendship emergency,'" Yuka announced. Despite her playful tone, I could tell she was in mature mode tonight. "Do you want to talk about it?"

We all collapsed on the couch and stared blankly at the bottles of alcohol. How lovely it would be to forget. "I guess. There isn't much to talk about."

"The argument was about Len?" Meiko was trying her best not to push her matchmaker agenda, and I appreciated that.

"Yep. He asked me not to hang out with him anymore, and I didn't think it was his place to tell me who I can be friends with. _'Don't let him dictate your life.'_ Isn't that what you said?" They fell silent, like maybe this whole upheaval of my life was their fault. "Do you think I should have done something differently?"

"No," Yuka replied.

"Me neither," I said. "I wouldn't change anything about the last month. It's been the best of my life."

"You've fallen for Len, haven't you?" Yuka asked grimly.

"Maybe. I don't know. I haven't decided yet."

"It's not really something you decide, my dear," Meiko interjected. "It just happens."

There was a knock on the front door. I almost didn't catch it; it was so quiet. My two guests shook their heads when I shot them a questioning look. Pushing myself to my feet, I ambled over and opened the door, fully expecting Miku or Gumi, some other girl to probe me with questions or provide their wisdom, but it wasn't a girl at all. It was Len.

"H-Hello," he said, like he was already regretting the decision of knocking. Meiko and Yuka were leaning over the couch, eyes staring daggers at the uninvited guest. It was as if they were saying _"How dare this source of Mayu's agony rub salt in the wound of her despair?"_

"Hi, um. What are you doing here?" I didn't recall giving him my address. I'm sure someone was willing to give it to him. News spread fast, apparently.

"I wanted to talk to you." He twiddled with his blond hair and avoided looking at my face. I had to suppress my psycho-analyzing instinct.

"Okay." I threw my snooping friends a few harsh glares and joined Len out in the corridor, shutting the door behind me. "What's up?"

"I know why you've been avoiding my texts."

"I've been avoiding everyone's, actually." _However, I haven't even been reading yours, afraid of what I might find._

"I think I'm what's keeping you and Kiyoteru apart, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that I know you two had a fight. It wasn't any of my business."

"What's going on between Ki and me is not your fault," I said quietly. "He simply tried to forbid me from being friends with someone I care about. If he tried to do that with Yuka, Meiko, Miku, or anyone else, we would have still ended up this way."

"But, he didn't try to do that with anyone else. He tried to do that with me. I don't want our friendship to do this, Mayu. I don't want you to resent me one day for tearing you and the love of your life apart."

I hated where this was going. I hated that there was a "goodbye" on the tip of his tongue. "What if he isn't the love of my life? What if our argument just made me realize all the things that have been wrong with our relationship from the start?"

"What if he is? I want you to be happy. You shouldn't be afraid to remain friends with Miku, Kaito, and Gumi, of course. You can avoid me all you want at our gatherings, or I'll avoid you. You still have met so many good people this summer."

 _But I've met you, too._ I was about to say it, but I could feel a sob crawling its way up my throat. As soon as I pushed it down, he was sprinting away. "Len!" I called desperately, following him until there was a turn in the hall. When I reached around the corner, he was gone. "Len!" I called again.

Feeling shattered somehow, I walked back to my apartment, opened the door, and looked at Meiko and Yuka with defeated resignation. "I know who I love," I said. "And, I'm not going to let him go."


	10. Your First Love

I looked out at the restless street through my office's solidary window. Cars and people would halt and go over and over again according to the cars and people in front of them, all of them in their own worlds, thinking their unique thoughts and knowing their destination. Even though they were out there in the warm sun and I was in here submerged in semi-darkness, I felt like I was the one on the outside looking into a reality not belonging to me. Maybe this city was just on a television I was watching, or in a book I was reading. It was just like Luka said. We were different than the rest in some sad and unfortunate way.

A smile almost took over my face, but I then remembered the task set before me. With cold hands, I picked up my cellphone and called my boyfriend, the only boyfriend I had ever known. The rings' drone was overshadowed by the bustling of the city below. It was a long eight rings before he picked up.

"Hello?" I asked. The butterflies which had been bottled up in my stomach for hours flitted about nervously.

"Yes, hello," Ki replied after a moment.

"It's me, um. Are you okay? You sound a little jittery."

"I-I'm fine. I'm happy to hear from you."

He didn't sound fine at all. Fear was yet another emotion I had never seen or heard from him until now. "Well, I'm calling because I think we need to talk. In-person."

"I, uh, I agree, definitely. Let's talk. Does tonight at eight work for you? Can you come over to my apartment?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Are you sure you're okay?"

The line fell dead. He had hung up. The butterflies changed their rhythm into one of foreboding. I put down my phone and sighed, the city stealing my gaze once again. I wanted to do everything and nothing at the same time. My client wasn't coming for an hour.

"Do you have to see him for an apology or for a break-up?"

I jumped at the voice, turning toward Gumi as she leaned in the doorway. The door was locked, I could have sworn, but then again, I could have forgotten in my current mental state. "Hello, Gumi. I didn't realize you were there."

She looked at him with a strange smirk on her face, seeming much different than the quiet girl I met at the festival. "You don't trust me, do you?"

"I trust you," I said.

"That's a lie, but I don't care. I actually respect you because you don't. I can talk more easily around you this way." She sauntered to a chair and laid down, legs dangling over the armrest. Her face reverted back to its prosaic form. "That made me sound like a horrible person. I'm not, really."

"Okay."

"You don't believe me."

"I don't know."

"Apology or break-up? You know which I want. Len has been pretty defeated since karaoke night. I heard he tried to cut all ties with you last night?"

"He did."

"How did you feel about that?"

"I've already made my decision."

"And you're not going to tell me?"

"Yep."

Gumi sighed, hopping to her feet. "Then I have no point in being here." She walked straight out the door but popped her head in two seconds later to add, "I hope you figure this out tonight. I don't like it when you're all upset." I could not tell if she was kidding or not.

The taxi slowed to a halt outside Ki's apartment building, and I took a shuddering breath. Yuka sat beside me, giving me small bursts of encouragement along the ride but mostly just comfortable silence. I was confident in my decision, yet guilt and pain drummed against my chest along with my forceful heartbeat. My hand clutched the door handle, not daring to make its next move.

"How do you feel?" Yuka asked.

"I don't know."

"You're sure you're not going to regret this?"

"I'm sure. Ki and I have been growing apart for a long time, or maybe we were never perfectly together in the first place. I can't keep lying to him by staying when I can't deny how I feel for Len."

"It was always meant to be you and Len. We all could see it immediately. I'm sorry I tried to push Ki as the right man."

I shook my head. "It's fine. It made me question myself, and now I have all the more conviction." With a deep breath, I stepped out into the waning sun and stepped inside the familiar lobby. The woman at the front desk smiled at me in recognition. I walked on with my head down.

My fist clenched and unclenched restlessly as the elevator crawled up ten floors. It continued the fruitless exercise all the way down the hall until it could finally rest on the doorknob of my destination. I rifled around in my purse for the key and realized numbly that I would have to return this. Before I could second-guess myself, I cracked open the door and slipped through. The lights were off.

"Ki?" I called hesitantly, making my way deeper into the ultra-modern apartment. I remembered when he bought this, so proud of his new job and his new home.

A few things were missing from their places. A decorative box here. A picture frame there. The pillows on the sofa, usually positioned meticulously in their spots, had fallen to the floor. "Ki!" I called again. The feeling of isolation took me over, and I knew I was alone. That's when I noticed the folded card on the coffee table.

When I held the card in front of me, I knew immediately where I had seen such a thing before. On the night I met Len, someone left me a similar note, one with the green cursive number _6_ drawn across the white. This one, however, was not written in green or cursive. It was the hand of Ki, the man who was supposed to be here.

 _Dear Mayu,_

 _I realize that you and I are at a disconnect. Whether it is because of Len or something deeper, I don't know, but either way, our relationship is coming to an end. I have a confession to make. I never got that promotion. In fact, I was let go last week. You were the only thing keeping me here in the city. None of my supposed friends stuck around after I became unemployed. None of them were like yours, Mayu. I wanted to be there to tell you in person, but I cannot bring myself. I would have left by now. Do not try to contact me. You are a smart and beautiful girl, Mayu. Do not settle for anyone who thinks otherwise._

 _Your first love,_

 _Ki_

I walked outside toward the waiting cab, and I was shivering despite the warmth of the air. The note was still in my hand. I gave it to Yuka so I wouldn't have to explain it myself. My body couldn't stop trembling.

"Oh, my God," Yuka mumbled under her breath. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know," I replied. "I don't know."


	11. Right

I hadn't been single for so many years, I had forgotten what it felt like. Really, it felt exactly the same as life with a significant other, except for the invisible but wholly tangible feeling of complete loneliness. Maybe this was just a side effect from the break up. That's what Yuka and Meiko kept telling me, at least. After two days of their cyclical care, I finally convinced them I was alright enough to go out and work. So, that's what I did. However, they were not aware of my activities after my final client shuffled out of my office, when the night was still young and my impulses were unrepressed.

I texted him. I texted Len. As soon as I did, that feeling akin to be gutted like a fish dissipated slightly, and even more so when he replied. I wondered if he knew what had happened. Of course he did. _News spreads quickly._

We were to meet at a little wooden bench at the edge of a park in the center of the city, a happy rendezvous point from both our original locations. I arrived there first and found myself fiddling with my unkempt hair in a compact mirror many times to keep myself busy. Whenever the mirror would reflect the fullness of face, I was always shocked to see how pale and tired it looked. I was there early. It was natural for me to have to wait, but the torture of it was more than I could bear.

My muscles tensed when I heard his startlingly familiar footsteps. Acting quite natural, I smiled up at Len as he sat a safe distance away from me on the bench. No words were coming to mind, then they all came at once, and I had to hold myself back.

"Hey, thanks for coming," I said.

"Of course. Uh."

Silence.

"I don't know if you heard…"

"Yeah, I did. I'm really sorry."

"It wasn't you, just so you know." That was a half-lie. "Ki and I never really had a very passionate relationship. Honestly, we thought it was the natural thing to do. Successful people dated, then they got married, then… they would carry on in their successful lives. I guess I wanted more from him than just supporting my occupational aspirations, and he sensed that. So, he went away and left a note."

"He should have told you in-person," Len responded sharply. "He should have had the decency to do that."

"I can't blame him."

"You should."

"I can't." My mind flashed to the way he signed his name, _"Your first love,"_ and a grenade of emotion burst through my heart. Tears began to well in my eyes. "I have no right to be upset."

Len immediately brought himself closer and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "What are you talking about? Being upset is the most natural response."

My words were interspersed between heavily stifled sobs. "I-I went to his apartment to break u-up with him. I had my words all planned out, but he left first. It's better this way, but I still feel so aw-awful." I quickly got ahold of myself, wiping away the remaining tears off my face. Len was still holding me, and I just wanted to stay there for a while. However, he was the one to hesitantly pull away.

"I'm sorry," Len said. He looked quite distressed himself, avoiding eye contact and conjuring up a melancholy smile. "I'm not good with words, but… I know that you don't deserve to be so sad, Mayu. You're, you know, intelligent and beautiful and you will definitely find happiness one day."

"Thank you, really," I replied. "I didn't mean to go off like that. I just wanted to tell you that things can go back to how things were. Your friendship is unimaginably valuable to me, Len." That didn't come out right. No, not at all. I wanted something else entirely, but it was too late to take it back.

"Yours is to me, too." He abruptly stood up, focusing his gaze somewhere faraway. "Um, I'm really glad we talked. Remember what I said. You're not to blame at all for what happened. Sadly, I have to go now, but… yeah."

"Of course. Well, goodbye, then."

He stole one last glance in my direction and walked away. The farther away from me he was, I felt the chasm between us grow larger and larger. Welcome back, incomprehensible loneliness, doubled in your agony. I decided I would have to get a move on before Meiko and Yuka started wondering where I was. Back to the streets, back to the apartment, back to the false cheer and the genuine concern, back to the empty day, back to the place without Len.

Opening the door to my home, I wished with all my heart and soul that no one would be there, but alas, wishes rarely do come true. Yuka was snug on my sofa, a season further into the drama series she had been watching when I left. No surprise there, but what I did not anticipate was Gumi right beside her, just as riveted by the television as Yuka was. My apartment had become a halfway house.

I stepped in between my tenants and their show. "Don't you have a job?" The question was directed at Yuka.

"The boss is away, and I have people who will cover me. She'll never know of my absence," Yuka replied, straining her neck to see past me at the unfurling drama.

"I never did ask what you did, Gumi," I continued, resigning to an old, squeaky armchair.

She tore her eyes away from the screen. "Where were you? According to my calculations, you should have arrived over an hour ago."

"I was at work. A client was in need of a longer session."

"I don't believe you." She hadn't blinked once since we began talking.

"I'm not surprised to hear that."

She kept staring, staring, staring. I began to feeling increasingly cornered, like I was being interrogated by a police officer or a mob boss. "Okay, I went to talk to Len."

Yuka paused the television and joined Gumi in her staring. I could have laughed. They looked so ridiculous, two girls of smaller stature all curled up under a blanket, hair disheveled beyond belief, giving a completely monotonous look that seemed to invoke every question on the tips of their tongues. That humorous aura was coming from at least Yuka. Then again, Gumi still had those piercing eyes…

"We met at a park. I just wanted to tell him what happened, that it wasn't his fault, and we could go back to how things were," I explained.

"Is that how you put it?" Gumi piped up. "'Go back to how things were?'"

"Yes."

"We both know that's not true."

My face was heating up in embarrassment. "I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Damn, I've messed it up, haven't I?"

"Call him. Ask to meet again, and tell him how you feel."

"What? Right now? It's late, and we've already met today. That would sound…"

"Desperate? Darling, you are desperate."

"I hate to say it," Yuka interjected. "But I agree."

It was two against one, and as much as I despised the idea, I couldn't think of a reason why to delay. A strange sense of urgency had taken hold of me, and I whipped out my phone just as it began to vibrate."

"Oh, my God," I said. "It's Len."

"Pick it up!" they shouted over each other.

Len's voice sounded regretful over the speaker. "Hey, sorry I'm calling this late."

"No, it's fine," I squeaked. "What's up?" Yuka and Gumi were nodding their heads in validation of my response.

"Um, this is going to sound really strange, a-and you don't have to. But, would it be much trouble to meet me at that bench… again… right now?"

"You know what? That would be fine."

"R-Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't have anything better to do. Okay, I'll see you there."

"See you."

I put down the phone. My two friends looked at me expectantly. "I guess I'm going to the park right now," I said.

"Thank God!" Yuka exclaimed. "What are you waiting for, then? Go! Go right now!"

"Alright." I stood up, still convincing myself that I was actually doing this. "Alright."

"Go!"

I staggered out the door. Back to the streets, back to the park, back to the hope and happiness, back to the blossoming night, back to the place where Len is going to be.

In wake of the waning moon, I sat on the bench with bated breath. I had no compact mirror to examine myself with, so there was nothing to do but wait. This time when his footsteps came, I stood and faced him head-on. Len was sort of scrunched up, trying to make himself small, to make himself disappear, maybe. I was doing the exact same thing.

"Sorry for calling you here." His voice broke the illusion that this was a dream.

"No, that's fine. What did you want to talk about?" I asked.

"I don't want to go back to how things were!" he blurted out. "I mean, I don't want to be friends with you. No, that's not what I meant. Um, I wanted to say… I feel… I really like you, Mayu, and not in a friendship way. I… love you. I'm sorry that I sound so certain, if you feel like I don't know you well enough, but it's true. I love you, Hidari Mayu. I don't think I'll regret saying that."

I had to blink tears away, because this was unimaginable. This couldn't be happening. I didn't deserve this in the slightest, but here it was. The most perfect boy I had ever met was standing in front of me in the moonlight, and he loved me. Not possible. It couldn't have been. However, just in case it was, I walked right up and embraced him. The universe felt so undeniably right in that moment.

With trembling words, I replied, "I love you, too."


	12. Autumn

The volatile changes of the summer soon blended into the everyday routines of autumn. The sun no longer beat unrelentingly down upon our heads, and its gleam was not always in the skyscrapers' glass reflections. There were no more fireworks, no more karaoke, no more firefly-lit nights. However, that autumn was the best I had ever known. It was like the universe was giving us a present before the fierce winter storms arrived on our doorstep. None of us could have anticipated their ferocity. Certainly, not me.

My business had never been better. I accumulated two more clients in the two weeks after Len and I started dating. They brought good money, and for the first time in my life, I paid the rent on time. Our group of friends got together whenever they could, and most of the distrust that existed that first summer's night had seemed to have faded away. We talked and we laughed and we were young. Yes, it certainly was the best.

I am not going to say that everything was perfect. No matter where I went, a shadow seemed to lurk under the cheer, under the stability. Mysteries were still unsolved, mysteries that unsettled the occasional dream, and ignoring them only made my disconcertment grow more intense. I couldn't bring myself to even talk about it with anyone, in fear that the spell would be broken and everything would fall to pieces.

We walked—Len, Miku, and I—under the fluttering, fiery leaves of the samara trees that lined the road. I kept Len's arm snug around my shoulders, every once in a while glanced up at his serene face. Miku walked just a few paces ahead of us, looking so beautiful in the golden light of the ailing sun. She chattered away about the event we were heading to, a photo gallery with the newest shots she modeled for. Evidently, she had tried to invite Kaito to come along, but plans with Gumi intervened. Over the phone, Miku's voice was tinted with bitterness I had never heard before. "Don't worry if you think I'll be a third wheel. I'm used to it."

Today, however, she seemed to be in great spirits. As her cyan hair and bright yellow dress ruffled in the breeze, I for a moment wondered how Kaito couldn't fall in love with her. Immediately, I felt guilt. Who was I to judge Gumi and Kaito's relationship? Who was I…? Yet, there remained a flickering of doubt, that sense of urgency and fear that woke me up in the middle of the night.

"Here it is!" Miku announced and halted her skips in front of a newer building on the outskirts of the city. Despite its obscure location, it was absolutely teeming with people. Pushing our way to the front door, Len weaved past a very large gentleman to hold the door open for the ladies. Our eyes locked for a moment, and I was arrested by the now-familiar feeling of total embarrassment. Every once in a while this would happen; Len and I would forget that people who dated did things like this. Hold hands. Look each other in the eyes. Ki-Kiss…

Okay, we hadn't done that last part yet. It's sad. I know.

I hastily got myself together, grabbing Len's hand as we waltzed further into the tiny building as a reassurance. Miku had already flown off and was talking animatedly with some older man—the photographer? Len and I migrated to the photo gallery nearby her, so we could hiss at all the men ogling Miku's back profile.

"None of these guys are anywhere near Miku's level," I said after the fourth dude stared ten seconds too long at her figure.

"You're right," Len agreed. "Miku needs someone… special."

"It's kind of like we're in a different world sometimes… Different from everyone else," I absent-mindedly paraphrased my dear client, Luka.

"I think the same thing sometimes…"

As my eyes scanned the crowd for potential threats, they fell upon an unexpected face. "Wait, is that Gakupo?"

It most certainly was. His sharp face was cocked in a nervous frown, and he paced about a corner, checking his watch every few seconds. With a sudden, indescribable lurch of my stomach, I walked up to him and pulled Len along with me. As soon as he saw us, he jumped nearly out of his skin and turned an awful pale shade. I had never seen him this way before.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked. "Are you waiting for Meiko?"

"Ah, no," he said hurriedly. "I just wanted to see the gallery. What, uh, what are you two doing here? On a date?" And he must have thought that us being on a date was very funny, because he let out a very forced laugh.

"No, actually," Len replied, catching onto his strange behavior just as quickly as I did. I always had the feeling Len didn't really like Gakupo all that much. "Miku invited us. She modeled in some of these pictures."

"Oh." He looked around the room until he saw one of the alleged photographs. It was a close-up of Miku's face, caught mid-laugh. "Oh, I see." He cleared his throat, stalling a few more seconds before deciding he apparently didn't want to see the gallery at all. "I think I have to go now."

"Okay." I had barely said it, and he was already out the door. To myself more than to Len, I muttered, "I don't like this."

With an almost drunken glee, Miku came up behind us and beamed. "Hey guys, how do you like the pictures?"

"They're really beautiful," I replied.

"Amazing," Len added.

Her smile grew, and that older man from earlier slithered over, placing a cordial hand on Len's shoulder. "I heard from Miku-chan that you're an editor, my friend."

"Yeah, I am," he replied nervously.

"Well, I'm writing a book, you know."

"I'm… sure you are."

"Come on, let's walk and talk. We'll just go over here." Just like that, he was being dragged away. He gave me a panicked look and reached out his hand, but it was too late. Gone forever, my boyfriend lost in the abyss of businessmen and artists. Goodbye, my love. Goodbye.

"Oh, he'll be fine," Miku told me as we walked parallel to the wall, looking at the photographs in an attempt to find deeper meaning in them.

"I hope he's not taken advantage of."

"He's not a fourteen-year-old girl in a dark alley!"

I shrugged. "I worry."

Our perusing ended when we arrived at the last photograph. It was of Miku. She was wearing a short pink dress and heart-shaped sunglasses, smiling in the summer sun like she was having the time of her life. We stared at it for a long time in silence. I wondered how she really felt when this picture was taken. Was she thinking about Kaito? Was she blocking out the world and everything in it, everything except that intrusive camera lens?

When I was about to ask her something superficial and trivial to fill the quiet, Miku's face was buried in her hands, and teardrops were hitting the floor. _Drop, drop, drop._

"Hey, what's up? What's wrong?" I asked, instinctively wrapping my arms around the trembling girl.

"N-Nothing! It's nothing!" she sputtered. "I-I just really wanted Kaito to be here. You know? I just wanted him to come to this _one_ thing. I w-was really proud of these pictures."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I repeated over and over, but nothing made it better.

There I was with two Miku's, the one in front of me and the one forever smiling in the picture above. When Len eventually came back around, I looked at him and he looked at Miku and he didn't ask any questions. We got her out of there, much to the discontent of her photographer, and brought her home, that sense of a shadow growing ever stronger in all of our hearts.


	13. One Day

One day later, Len and I sat hunched over a small table in my apartment, keeping our voices low and our heads under the glaring window, in the fantastical fear that someone would see or overhear us. Len… he was so close. My face hovered mere centimeters away from his. If I would just move a little closer—

"How was Miku this morning?" he asked quietly.

I moved back, airing out my mind of these new yet extraneous thoughts. "She was better. Well, she was pretending like nothing happened, so 'better' might not be the best word."

"I'm worried."

"Me, too." I sighed. "Then there was that whole business with Gakupo."

"You don't think—"

"No, I don't think," I cut in rather harshly. "Sorry, I've just known Gakupo for a long time. He wouldn't do whatever it was you were thinking. I'm sure of it." He looked at me sadly. "A-Anyway, I'm curious to know. What do we know about Gumi?"

"Know about Gumi? Are you still thinking about investigating her?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I haven't seen her in a while, and after Miku's breakdown, it makes me wonder. She and Yuka both were very suspicious of her. Plus, some of our conversations have been a bit…"

"A bit what?"

"Mysterious? She avoids my questions a lot, like what she does for a living, where she lives, etc."

"You don't think all this is connected, do you? Gakupo, Miku, Gumi, even that weird note you got at the restaurant the night we met."

"Oh!" I hopped up from my seat. "There's something about that, actually. Give me a second." I went into my bedroom, opened a drawer, and retrieved two articles of paper: the number _6_ and the letter Ki left me. I felt strange showing the latter to Len, hoping to God he wouldn't read it. When I came back, I dropped them on the table. "Look, same paper. That second thing is, um, it's what Ki left."

Len pretended like that fact was no big deal, but I saw his jaw clench and unclench as he examined the material. "You're right. It's the same texture and thickness and everything. Does this mean Kiyoteru left you the first note?"

"I don't know. Wasn't it a woman who left the first one? That's what the waitress said. This is all so peculiar!"

"Have you tried contacting Kiyoteru?" Len asked, his tone slightly different.

"I have, during those first couple of days. He never answered his phone."

He shifted uncomfortably. "I have an idea that could help us answer some questions. I-I don't really like it, though."

I cocked my head to the side. "What is it?"

"You still have the key to his apartment, right?" I nodded. "We could just go there and look around, see if he has a stash of that kind of paper."

The plan seemed to radiate before me. Brilliant. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I wanted to go on a spy mission with you, remember?" He smiled. "Let's do it."

I kissed him on the cheek, and we headed out.

With Len's reassuring hand on my shoulder, I slid the key into the lock and let the door creak open.

The lights were off, but I could see the apartment looked just as I had left it almost a month ago, save for the pile of envelopes accumulated just inside the front door. I gathered them all up in my arms as we went in, dumping them on the kitchen table where Ki and I had shared dinner on a countless number of occasions. In fact, this whole place was filled with memories which drew melancholy emotions I had been repressing for a while. I regretted how it turned out, but at the same time, I knew now what love was supposed to feel like.

My hand wound its way into Len's as we dove deeper into the capacious rooms. "Where do you think his paper would be?" Len whispered. It seemed like a place where whispering was appropriate.

I led him to a small office where Ki would work tirelessly on his reports. To my heart-stopping surprise, Ki's laptop was still there. Why would he leave that? My skin felt cold, and Len glanced worriedly at me every few moments. Shaking off his concern like it was nothing, I knelt down to the file cabinets below the printer and skimmed through the variety of papers he held there. There was the normal printer kind, hard stock, beige stock, but nothing quite like the paper I had in my coat pocket.

"Nothing," I said, rising to my feet.

"Maybe he took it with him?"

"But leave his laptop?" I peered at it nervously, then scurried off to his bedroom. His closet was emptied, but that was about it. He even left his rather expensive watch on the night table along with the finance book he told me he was reading. Len stayed in the doorway, unsure of what to say. "This doesn't make any sense," I said.

The pile of mail was my next destination. I threw away all of the spam and past-due bills and ended up with one single envelope. On the couch now, I ripped it open with trembling hands. Len had followed me and sat next to me in silence, looking over my shoulder so he could see what was inside. The header was from the hospital he was fired from. It read:

 _Dear Hiyama-san_

 _We were shocked to hear of your resignation on such short notice. You were a valued member of our staff, and it is a shame to see you go so soon. If you would please stop by the hospital to collect your things, it would be much appreciated. If you are ever in need of a recommendation, all of your superiors would be happy to provide one._

 _Good luck on your new ventures._

"What?" I sputtered. "Resigned? He resigned? Why would he lie in his letter?" I whipped it out and read his words over again. "This doesn't make any sense. What if… What if something happened to him?"

"I'm sure he had his own reasons. He's fine, Mayu. He knows what he's doing," Len said softly, but doubt crept into his voice.

I was holding back tears. "I want to believe you, but what does this all mean? Why is it the same paper? Why do I feel like something horrible is going to happen? Oh, God. Ki vanished and no one knows where he is."

There was no denying that, so Len merely hugged me close. "I won't let anything bad happen. I promise."

"I hope you know that I love _you._ Even if Ki is perfectly fine and he comes back and everything he said in this letter is a lie, I love you. I want to be with _you,_ alright?"

He nodded, a shadow of smile creeping across his face, and for the first time, he leaned in and connected his lips with mine. A whirlwind of emotion bubbled up in my chest, and I sunk into him like a few pieces of my shattered world had restored themselves.

After an eternity in a moment, he pulled away and said, "We'll figure this out. One day, we'll figure this all out."

I just hoped "one day" wasn't too late.


	14. Urgency

Urgency, urgency. Still, that sense of urgency. I was never more afraid of the future, never more afraid of the present slipping through my fingers. I would do anything to ensnare time, halt it in its tracks right now, because the distrust didn't dissipate with the summer heat; it was merely obstructed behind the falling leaves of autumn until finally they began to be whisked away. Another month, gone. Another month closer.

"I have this sense of urgency," Luka told me one day. She had remained ever vigilant in coming to our weekly meetings, and for the first time in a while, she arrived without the dreamy smile or clouded eyes. "I feel like something bad is going to happen."

"Why do you think that?" I asked, brushing back a strand of hair behind my ear. I had been wearing it down more recently. Len had really seemed to like it.

"Our sins will catch up to us in the end. I know this to be true," she replied, for once not sprawled over the seat like it was a lounge chair but sitting stiff as a board. Watching me with sharpened eyes.

"What sins, Megurine-san?"

"Unforgivable but unavoidable. Should I be punished for what destiny has written for me? If it is inevitable, can we really be blamed?"

"I don't quite know what you are talking about." But I did, somehow. Restlessly, I got up and started heating up a kettle of tea. Luka seemed tired all of a sudden and finally let her back rest against the pillows. Before I could stop myself, I picked up that picture of all of us that had been sitting on my shelf for several months now. I placed it in front of Luka and pointed to Gumi, slightly smiling with her boyfriend's arm wrapped around her. "This might be strange to ask, but do you recognize her?"

"I told you. I recognize all of them, all except for your boyfriend." She tapped Ki's face.

"He hasn't been my boyfriend for a while," I said quietly.

A smile lit up her face. "Really? Thank goodness! Then again, I knew this was going to happen. It was what I was saying earlier. You can't fight fate."

"Was it fate that broke us up?" I asked skeptically.

"No, but it is fate that you are with…" She scanned across all the faces of the group until finding Len. "That guy, right? I bet it's him. Your new boyfriend."

I looked at her silently, wondering briefly if she was right, if the answers to all my questions was simply that destiny foretold it. Every scientific molecule of my mind rejected it, but could everything really be solved with just psychology and biology?

"I'm right, aren't I?" she inquired.

My phone beeped. Time was up. Clearing my throat, I said, "See you next week, then."

She looked disappointed, jilted in some way by one of her kindred spirits. "Alright. See you then, Hidari-san."

As she opened the door, another figure was there, fist poised to knock. I craned my neck to see who it was and couldn't help but smile. Len stood there. In his other hand was a red rose.

"Um," he said awkwardly, taking a few steps back to let Luka out. He looked at me. "Sorry, I thought the session was already over."

"We just finished. It's no problem!" I replied.

Luka stared at him as she sauntered by. "I _was_ right, then?" she asked no one in particular, floating down the hallway and out of sight.

Her heavy presence took a second to leave the air. "Come on in," I said, smiling at my wonderful boyfriend and trying to shake off the strange conversation I had with Luka.

Len smiled in return and made his grand reentrance, offering me the rose with a nervousness I had grown accustomed to. "This is for you."

"And here I thought you brought it for my client," I teased, gently taking the flower and giving Len a quick kiss. A vase which housed a frail and dying carnation sat on my desk, longing for a new tenant. I pulled out the deceased and threw it in the trash, replacing it with the most beautiful rose I had ever seen. Maybe it was so pretty because Len brought it… "Thank you. It's wonderful."

"I'm glad you like it."

"How did you get off work so early?"

"We just finished a large project, so my manager let us all go."

"Will it be a big hit, you think? I hope it will be. I'm out of good mystery novels."

"I'll ask around for some recommendations."

"You seem tired."

"I've been thinking a lot."

I waited to hear what he was thinking about, but he didn't elaborate. We sat down in the only chairs in the room besides my desk. I made a mental note to invest in a couple more for personal use, because this felt too much like I was Len's therapist. His last statement still hung in the air.

"Hey, you never talk about your family," I said lightly.

He straightened up, and I immediately regretted my prying. "Well, um."

"Never mind. You don't have to tell me. I was just curious."

"N-No, it's fine. It's just that… I have a sister and two parents who are still alive."

"A sister?" I grinned. "Yeah, I can see you with a sister. Is she older or younger?"

"We're twins, actually."

"Twins?" I tried to imagine it. "Oh, my God. She must be so pretty!"

Len's laugh was tinged with melancholy. "From what I remember, she was. We haven't talked since I left for college. Same with my parents."

"Ah, I see. You said you grew up here in the city. Do you think they still live here?"

"Probably." He shrugged. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

"Really? What is it?"

Len was avoiding eye contact again, another habit I had grown accustomed to. Honestly, I thought it was cute, his anxiousness. It made him genuine. However, the suspense was killing me a little. "Well," he said, quickly losing his nerve. He spoke in an increasingly halting manner with every passing sentence. "I really love you, you know that?"

"I love you, too," I replied, a bit surprised at the direction of conversation. "Yeah, I know that. Was that the question?"

"No! That was just a lead-up question to the question, I guess. You see, I love you more than I thought was possible. I've never been in love before. Kaito always was trying to set me up with girls, but none of them felt _right._ So, when I met you, I didn't know what to do with myself, and when I found out you had a boyfriend… I thought I would never find anyone else who I could fall in love with. Now I _know_ I wouldn't be able to find anyone else." I was blushing like a madwoman at this point. "There's this sense of urgency I have. It's weird, but there's always this urgency. I feel like something is going to happen, something horrible. There isn't much time."

My embarrassment subsided when I heard those words. "Urgency, yes. I feel it, too. I haven't stopped feeling it since the beginning of the summer."

"I don't want to lose this, Mayu. I've never been happier in my entire life. I really don't want to lose this."

I could vaguely feel the tears running down my cheeks. "Me neither."

"So, um. The question, the question." Len pulled out something small from his pocket. With a trembling hand, he held out to me a silver ring, a small white stone perched on its band like a bird balancing on a tree branch. "Would you marry me, Mayu?"

I was shocked in place. Marriage? Was the universe telling me that _I_ could spend the rest of my life with _this man_ right here? Was such happiness possible? I certainly had never seen such a thing. I waited anxiously for my dream to end and for me to wake up in my bedroom alone. Yet, I was still there. "Is that even a question?" I gasped out. "Of course! What, I mean, what? Yes!"

An incandescent smile spread across his face, and all of a sudden I felt myself being swept up into his arms. At some point, he had placed the ring on my finger, but my mind was so clouded by disbelief and joy, I could hardly keep myself grounded in reality.


	15. Family

Gakupo always told me I had an unforgiving temper, and, when in the right mood, could make a grown man cower with my venomous words alone. Taking his observation to heart, I tried my best to deter the persistent and moronic Len from wanting anything to do with me by shuffling through the archives of my mind for the most curt and sarcastic insults in the repertoire.

"Take off that garish coat. You look like a circus clown's understudy," I said as we wove carefully through the alleys toward my home.

Immediately after I spoke, I turned a wary eye on the boy to see the aghast reaction that never came. Instead, he nodded, gingerly sliding the extravagant gold-thread jacket off his back and throwing it onto the nearest trash heap that lined the streets.

"You didn't have to do that," I mumbled guiltily.

"I have too much clothing anyway," he replied in that same cheerful tone that he first greeted me with. "Do you know these streets well?"

"I could navigate them blindfolded. Do you get lost in that castle of yours?"

"Only when I was a child, and Rin always found me in the end."

"I have someone like that I suppose. You will meet him shortly. Be warned—he does not take to strangers very well."

He seemed to have choked on something when I said " _him."_ An immensely satisfying result. If my lifestyle did not disconcert him, the most disconcerting man on God's green Earth would be my salvation. When we at last found ourselves in front of the gate to my hovel, Len observed it and its surroundings with a not-a- all pitying or distasteful curiosity, but a genuine one like he was perusing the exterior of a lavish apartment building rather than a dilapidated tea garden in the slums of the city.

"The Snake and the Rabbit?" he asked eventually. The noise caused an entity within the walls shift about.

"Yes, that's what people call us around here. I'm the Rabbit, and the Snake…well, you'll see."

I knocked on a bar and, upon receiving no answer, spout curses under my breath as I maneuvered the wooden plank through the gaps with much difficulty. Len offered to help, but I waved him off right before I managed to free the gate from the board's clutches. It screeched like a banshee as it opened.

Ever so cautiously, I crept inside with Len in tow. I heard the bastard moving around, and hiding in our small and plain home was not an option. Nowhere to run, old man. Nowhere.

"Is everything alright?" Len asked from behind me as I threw myself into the open space and scanned the area for a very large, very filthy-looking man, but no one was there.

"Hmm," I calculated. "I suppose it is. My imagination must have conjured up the noise I heard earlier—"

Like a devil's snake, Gakupo slithered out from _under_ the mattress and absorbed me in a hug from behind. I let out surprised scream, and Len was so alarmed I thought he was going to faint where he stood.

Extending my arms and making fierce motions to calm him down, I said, "It's okay. It's just Gakupo. _The Snake._ "

"The Snake? Ah, yes, the Snake," Len squeaked. "Sorry, I was just startled. N-Nice to meet you." He offered his hand, but Gakupo merely tightened his hold on me. "U-Um, what's your relation to Mayu?"

A maniacal smile spread across his face. "Len Kagamine, is it? I thought you would see quite plainly that we're _lovers._ "

A flood of crimson, more from fury than embarrassment, spread across my cheeks. Len was unsurprisingly aghast. In order to erase that statement from the fabric of the universe, I yelled, "YOU _WISH,_ OLD MAN!" and elbowed him hard in the face.

Finally releasing me, he took a step back and sulked. "I was only trying to stir some jealousy in the boy. He hardly seems the passionate type."

"If he wasn't passionate, he would have left me alone a long time ago," I replied.

"Hm, I see." Gakupo sauntered up to Len and observed him quite bluntly from top to bottom. Len shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "You couldn't have liked someone a bit taller?"

"Okay, that's enough of you. Stand in the corner and think about what your next words will be to our guest."

He grumbled, walking over to the corner with a stubborn pout. Taking a deep breath, I started over. "Len, welcome to our home."

He managed a smile. "Thank you."

I gave him the grand tour of the place. The mattress, the table, the two chairs, the moping Gakupo in his natural habitat, the little pile of trinkets we had accumulated over the years, and finally, the jar of savings that would liberate us from our homelessness. My speech was exaggerated and grandiose during the whole short excursion, but inside was a whirlpool of embarrassment and yet defiant pride that made me less pathetic. Being short, I was sure, was not the only thing that bothered Gakupo about him.

"You've saved all this for a flat?" Len was saying. "That's fantastic. How do you two get the money?"

Now was the time my roommate thought was best to emerge from his time-out. "It's a family business!" he exclaimed. "I come from a legacy, and was kind enough to pass on that legacy to my little sister, Mayu, over there. Though not connected by blood, I cannot keep my passion to myself."

"Really? What is it you do?"

"Don't you dare say another word!" I interjected, pointing an accusing finger at that damned snake. "I've been trying to make him quit his _passion_ for years, and I will tell Len about it at a later time."

Gakupo huffed. "Fine. Be on your way, then, but before you go, I need a private word with your little boyfriend over there."

"Not my—whatever, go ahead."

Len was less-than-kindly pulled to the other side of the garden. They faced away from me, Gakupo harshly whispering something I could only imagine in my nightmares into Len's ear. When they separated, a grave expression took over Len's features for only a moment before he forced a cheery smile my direction. For the very first time, I feared this plague decimating this city and the towns around it. I did not want to die now that there was finally something to live for. Though the days felt as dark as night, twilight had yet to come.


	16. The Boy of Yellow

_"How do they die, Mayu?"_

I awoke without opening my eyes, trapped in the twilight between dream and reality, like there was a fifty-fifty chance that real life was where I just was and this bed I laid in was a figment. My senses came to me as the sun pressed against my eyes, and I remembered what day it was.

It was my wedding day.

Like lightning, I shot out of bed but was immediately deterred by the worst nausea I had ever felt in my life. I rested my head against the cold wall of my bedroom. It didn't stop. Silently, I crept through my little living room, where four girls slept sprawled across the couches and chairs, and hopped onto the fire escape. Fresh air filled me, lessening the burden for a split second before I remembered again.

It was my wedding day.

The city watched as I crumpled to the floor in complete desperation. Ten minutes later, Yuka found me sitting against the railing in a ball and staring out into nothingness. She yawned.

"Good morning, Mayu," she said casually.

"Morning," I replied.

"Having a little panic attack there, my friend?"

"Little bit."

"Need a minute?"

"Five seconds will do."

 _1… 2… 3… 4… 5._

Shakily, I pushed myself to my feet. "I'm getting married today," I told no one in particular.

"You sound a bit loopy. Let me get you some tea."

"Tea is nice. Tea is good."

"Here, let me help you to a chair."

Once I was sat down with a steaming cup of chamomile in my trembling hands, all the tension in my body relaxed, if only for a while. Miku was still drifting in and out of sleep on one of my comfy chairs, Gumi was staring quite creepily at me, Yuka was also staring quite creepily at me, and Meiko was making breakfast for anyone who wanted any. I didn't want any. I was on the verge of vomiting. I was getting married today.

Yes, Gumi, the girl who I didn't trust fully, was here, but goddammit, Kaito was coming and everyone else was coming and I had been having an existential crisis for three weeks straight because it is _my wedding day and I am getting married._

"What time is it?" I asked suddenly.

"Quarter 'til eight," Meiko replied automatically. She had been checking her watch like an addict. A watch addict. I was very tired.

"We should go—"

"In ten minutes, I know. Drink your tea, sweet one."

I obeyed like a child. "I'm worried about the dress."

"Why?" Yuka asked.

"What if I don't fit in it?"

"You fit in it two days ago."

"You never know."

"I do know."

Silence again. When it was time to go, we went.

We took two taxis. Meiko, Gumi, and I rallied into one and Yuka and Miku took the other. The roads were oddly quiet today, and they gave me the opportunity to not die of anxiety. When we were nearly there, I gathered enough of my wits to say, "Meiko, you and Gakupo have been married seven years."

"That's correct."

"I wish I was there for your wedding. I bet it was nice."

"It was really beautiful, classic style, at a shrine and everything."

"Wow. You and Gakupo… you guys always seemed like such role models to me, you know? I hope we end up like you, in a way." The taxi stopped at our destination.

"Maybe you shouldn't hope for something like that." I turned to look at her, and her expression was so emotional, my heart stung in recoil.

"W-What's wrong with—"

"Not today, Mayu. I won't burden you with it today."

"Meiko."

Gumi, silent as a fox the entire ride, tensed in between us. "Get down!" she commanded. "Get down, get down! Len's here! You can't let him see you!"

In my desperate attempt to hide myself from my window's view, I banged my head against the door. Gumi and Meiko were practically on top of me, surveying the outside of the wedding hall like scouts of an army. "What's happening?" I whispered. "Have they gone inside yet?"

"Not yet. They're being idiots and idling about."

"How does Len look?" When I thought of Len, my stomach began churning again.

"He looks like he's about to collapse at any moment," Meiko replied, sliding easily back into her mask of normalcy. "God, you two were made for each other."

I archived my worrying questions for a later date, as I clearly wouldn't get anything out of her today. Onto the more pressing issue of my neck being literally pressed to the point of snapping under these two girls' weight.

"They're in! Come on, we'll go through the back."

Yuka and Miku arrived just then, and we all stealthily made our ways to the side of the building, the few passersby gawking at our serious expressions and my bathrobe which did little to shield me from the late autumn cold. Once inside, I recalled again that I was indeed getting married today and had to place a hand on Yuka's shoulder to steady myself. Another attack was coming on.

They hurried me off to my dressing room, where I was pricked and prodded for over half an hour by Meiko, whose abilities in makeup was assured to me ten thousand and one times. Simultaneously, Miku was going crazy on my long and unrelenting hair, working out every tangle and possible areas of future tangles—as in, every single centimeter—like she was plowing a field. Meiko then took a short break as Miku quickly washed it, then started her assault all over again. The amount of obscure product she put into my hair could have filled the Pacific Ocean. My face hurt, my head hurt, and I was getting married today.

At long last, they turned me around to confront myself in the mirror. I was speechless. I could hardly recognize myself.

My hair was let down but meticulously curled without a frizz in sight, all the colors glistening. And my face… For the first time, I didn't feel daunted in the presence of Miku's and Meiko's beauty.

The two stylists saw the expression on my face and grasped each other's hands in victory. "Our work here is done!" Miku exclaimed. "You look so beautiful, Mayu."

Reflected off the mirror, I could see the door behind us open, and a small figure sauntered in. "You certainly are, dear sister!" she said. Rin… I was not so happy to see her. Not after what she did yesterday to Len. I had never seen him in such a state.

"Everyone, I'm not sure if you met Kagamine Rin yesterday," I introduced her. Surprisingly, my smoldering dislike for our new guest took precedence over my nerves. "She is Len's sister."

"Pleased to meet you," Rin said with a smile. Cautiously, everyone made acquaintance with her, except for Gumi, who pointedly remained in the corner. The amused expression that rested on her face throughout my little makeover had faded away. Rin continued, "Might I have a word with the newest member of my family?"

Yuka looked at me with a question in her eyes, and I nodded. They filed out, Gumi last and shutting the door behind her. Rin approached me, laying her hands on my shoulders and observing me carefully. "Len's got such a lovely bride, doesn't he? Honestly, I expected you to be the ugliest, most pathetic thing I've ever seen."

"Can I ask you something?" I cut in.

"What is it?"

"You seem to hate Len quite a bit, so why exactly are you here?" I sounded as harsh as I meant to.

"Are you asking me to leave?"

"No, I'm asking you why you're here."

She twisted one of my locks slowly around her finger. "I couldn't say no to my brother, after not seeing him for so many years. Besides, I was curious if anyone would voluntarily marry someone like that."

"Someone like what exactly?" My wrath grew white hot. I could hardly contain it.

"Someone like him! Weak, mentally unstable. Do you know what he did to me our first year of high school?"

"No." _I don't want to know._

"Well, it was the middle of the night, and I was awakened by someone _screaming._ It was your dear fiancé, Len, and as soon as I entered his room to see what the hell was going on, he launched himself at me with some scissors and you know what he did?" Slowly, Rin unraveled the scarf I hardly realized she was wearing since yesterday. In horror, I saw the nine-centimeter-long scar running down her collarbone. "With _scissors,"_ she repeated, concealing the blemish once more. "Oh, and he was just so _sorry_ about it. _'I'm sorry,'_ he would say _'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I wasn't thinking clearly. I don't know what happened.'_ Well, _I_ know what happened after that. Everyone our side of the city was afraid of him, and I was labeled as some helpless victim. They pitied me and looked down on me. Do you understand? Do you understand exactly who you're marrying?"

I took a deep breath, brushing her hands off of my shoulders. "I understand that you are here to convince me to walk out on him. I understand that you resent him and think he doesn't deserve happiness for what he did to you, but unfortunately, I love him. I said I would marry him, and the past doesn't change anything about the Len I know now. Of course, I could psycho-analyze what you just described to me, but I promised myself I would never treat him that way. Now, if you'll go now, my friends have to get ready for the wedding. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm getting married today."

Something about my conversation with Rin calmed me down, calibrated my emotions. Though my heart was beating out of my chest, I could stand on my own outside the doors to the hall, my father beside me with a thoughtful look in his eye. I fidgeted with my dress constantly. It was a simple thing, really, short sleeves and white lace that barely reached the floor. It fit fine, just as Yuka had promised.

"Len seems like a really kind man," my father commented. He was a reserved man but wore his emotions on his sleeve in times like this.

"He's the kindest man I've ever met."

He smiled. "He kind of reminds me of that boy from your dreams that you used to talk about when you were little. You always said the yellow boy was your favorite, right?"

"Wow, you're right. I never thought about that." That was so strange. So strange…

 _"How do they die, Mayu?"_

Music began playing. That was our cue. Before I fainted, I wrapped my arm around my father's and we gave each other one last look of understanding before making our entrance. The light from the windows hit me, then the gazes of everyone hit me, then Len's gaze hit me, and thus began the longest walk of my life.

Len looked so nice, all combed up in suit fretted over countless time by his own entourage. He had an embarrassed smile and never took his eyes off of me. When I reached the end of the aisle, my father bowed and took his seat among the few gathered. With wobbling steps, I made it to Len and whispered a soft "hi."

"Hi," he replied. "Y-You look beautiful. Really beautiful."

I was about to return the compliment when the minister in front of us began speaking. He recited a bunch of words I could hardly decipher, and all the while Len and I would glance at each other. Whenever we would happen to glance at the same time, we would smile, then go back to being anxious wrecks. Finally, the vows. I laid my hands in his.

I told him everything. How much he changed my life, how the depth of my feelings honestly scared the hell out of me, and how I would never, ever regret this moment.

He told me that he had no idea what love was until I appeared in his life and that his co-workers thought it was creepy that he was smiling all the time, but he couldn't help it because he was thinking of me. He promised he would do everything he could for my happiness, and I believed him.

We kissed, and it was the sweetest kiss I had ever experienced in my life.

I was married.


	17. Winter

Winter was fast approaching from behind us, unseen and unassuming, but powerful in its promise. Winter would give way to spring, but not everything sees its fruit. Some things die in winter. Some people die, too. No one knows until it happens and until in the shortened shadows a body lay, or two. Or three. Or more. Winter stared us in the face, and I could not ignore its existence for too long. Though, I certainly tried.

I smiled a reassuringly at Luka at the end of our session two Wednesdays after my wedding. She could have stopped coming to me months ago, but she never missed an appointment. Honestly, I could have put more effort into persuading her to going back to her normal life; however, her presence felt essential in my life, a piece of the puzzle of winter.

"Your ring is beautiful," Luka told me on our way to the door.

"Thank you," I replied, running a finger over its tiny gem fondly. The thought of going home and seeing Len brought a giddiness to every mundane task and obligation.

"Marriage… sounds so lovely."

"You are and your mystery man will one day tie the knot. That's the plan, right?"

"I don't think it is possible, actually." She fiddled with her hair stiffly.

"Parental disapproval? You shouldn't give a damn about stuff like that."

"It's more complicated than that. Maybe I'll tell you about it next time. I-I have to get going."

"Alright. Have a lovely week, Megurine-san."

"You too, Hidari-san."

The door shut, and I waited a minute or two before venturing out into the hallway myself, teapot and cups in arms, so I could clean them out in the bathroom sink, like the plebian psychiatrist I was. After a few peculiar glances from the women utilizing the bathroom for more orthodox purposes, I went back and gathered all my stuff to head back to my apartment. Sorry, _our_ apartment. My heart skipped a beat.

The outside wind blustered through the impregnable stream of people running through the sidewalks and chilled me to the bone. It looked like it was going to rain. I wouldn't have wanted to stay out there another second, but something caught my eye that pushed me off course. A little bob of green hair appeared amidst the crowd, and a glimpse of her face confirmed it was truly Gumi. Sure, it was a city of millions of people, but at some point or another you're going to run into someone you know. Automatically, I made the turn she made, then the next, completely in the opposite direction of our apartment. Maybe it was the winter in the air that made me do it, or maybe it was my morbid curiosity. I followed her naturally.

If Gumi noticed me, she made no sign of it. She walked all scrunched up like a bird hiding in its feathers for warmth. Kaito wasn't with her, not a usual occurrence. For a moment, I considered turning around and aborting mission, but that in the end was impossible. I couldn't possibly waste an opportunity such as this. Although, it was altogether possible she was just going to the store or something. My mind was too outrageously imaginative for its own good.

A couple more blocks down, Gumi abruptly pushed the door to a towering skyscraper open and disappeared inside. As quick as my heels permitted, I trailed behind her and observed the sign plastered across the front of the building. _Eldoh & Co. _was the name of the business residing here. Its symbol was a tree with seven faces, all with different expressions. Was this where Gumi worked? It must have been a landscaping place or something.

The inside was all leather and marble and mahogany, and the few employees at their desks, whose faces were illuminated by the golden light of their lamps, didn't even steal a glance my direction as I whizzed by. I was getting the idea that this was not a landscaping business, but maybe it was just a _really fancy_ landscaping business. I could see it, the largest landscaping business in the country, its headquarters here of all places. No, I didn't believe that, either.

Gumi's small figure glided into an elevator just as I snuck a peek around the corner. I rushed over and watched the numbers on the wall light up according to the target's position and then promptly reminded myself to stop calling Gumi "a target." She stopped on the sixteenth floor, the second from the top. I hopped into the next open elevator and waited impatiently as the tiny box ascended higher and higher above the streets. The walls were the color of gold, and I briefly caught a flash of the elevator in my own building, covered in gray paneling and tea stains. Maybe I should have gone into the landscaping business.

 _Ding!_ The doors slid apart to reveal Gumi and another woman looking at each other and walking straight toward me. The stranger was tall with flowing blond hair and eyes as cold and blue as ice. In a complete panic, I veered off into a nearby branched-off corridor and waited with bated breath for them to pass, but they didn't. They seemed to have been in mid-conversation and sat down on one of the benches lining the initial hallway. Getting ahold of myself, I inched closer to hear what they were saying.

"You still seem hesitant," the voice which was not Gumi's said softly.

"I'm not," Gumi replied. "It's just— _all_ of them?"

"Yes. All of them." She paused. "Well, I suppose only one could suffice."

"Which one?"

"You know which one."

Gumi sighed. "Right."

"Unless you're trying to tell me that you've developed some sort of _sentimentality_ after all these years. You know that you don't deserve sentimentality after what you did last time. There's no going back."

"I know. _I know._ I'm going to do it, but I don't have to like it."

"Don't worry. I'll enjoy it enough for the both of us."

 _Ding!_ The elevator opened again, and a man in a suit walked out. The two women's conversation stopped immediately. After a few moments, the tall woman said, "We should go back to my office. Too many ears around here."

"Alright."

Their footsteps echoed down the hall, and I could finally breathe again. _That was so… strange._ I didn't know what to think. All the way home, I didn't know what to think.

An hour later it began to snow, the first snow of the season. I laid on my couch, watching the white flakes drift down ever slowly to their destinations and bring a soft silence to the buzzing city below. My finger ran over the stone of my wedding ring over and over again, and I snuggled deeper into the sea of pillows and blankets that consumed me. A lot of these blankets came from Len's apartment, currently on the market. They were insanely soft. I would have married him sooner if I had known his blankets were this soft.

When I heard the front door open, a smile broke out across my face and I struggled to my feet, the pillows and the rest flying across the floor. I pointed to Len standing there in his work suit and exclaimed, "Husband!"

Len made a similar gesture and responded, "Wife!"

My bare feet tapped across the floor as I ran over and hugged him tightly. "I made dinner!" I announced. We alternated days, you see, and I was awfully proud of my work.

"Thank you." Len smiled. As we went to sit down, I brushed snowflakes out of his hair. "Winter's finally here, I guess."

"Yes, I suppose it is," I said.

It most certainly was.


	18. A Game

I woke up in the middle of the night, not in the position I fell asleep in, pressed up close to Len in his arms. Now my back was cold. In fact, everything was cold. This building had lost its heat three days ago, and no one bothered to fix it yet. All of Len's soft blankets were layered on our bed to block out the chill, and yet I was so cold. Something was missing.

My eyes inched open, wary of the moonlight that streamed through the windows in rays, hindered by the skyscrapers that surrounded us. Len was sitting on the bed, staring out at the struggling moonlight. I shifted to get a better look, and he flinched.

"Len?" I asked groggily. "What's up?"

"Nothing," he whispered back timorously. "Just a bad dream."

My pale hand reached out to him, but he stood up abruptly. Our breaths crystalized in the air in front of us. "Want to talk about it?"

"N-No, I just need a little, um, fresh air. I'll be back in a few minutes. You can just go back to sleep."

"Alright." I was not alright.

He shuffled out of the room, and the silence was ungodly. He never did come back to bed. I knew, because I stayed up the rest of the night, waiting. Sleep terrified me all of a sudden.

 _"How do they die, Mayu?"_

The next day was a Saturday, and I had no appointments. Usually Len would be off work as well, but apparently, a crisis emerged in the office which must be dealt with immediately. We didn't speak a word about the night previous.

To distract myself, I hailed a cab to take me to Miku's apartment, where a few other lovely ladies had accumulated. When Miku ushered me into her stylish home, Meiko and Yuka were already there, huddled around a shogi board in laconic battle. Another board was stationed next to it, all set up for two players.

"Wow, you've got the whole set up here," I said, observing the hot tea and mini cakes laying in between the boards.

"You sounded distressed when you told me you were coming over. I wanted a comfortable environment. Those two rushed over immediately, of course, when they heard of your troubles," Miku replied.

"My _text_ sounded distressed?" Not only that, but Meiko and Yuka were too absorbed in their game that they hadn't even acknowledged my existence yet.

"I might have just wanted an excuse to have you all over… I've been so bored lately. Hardly any shoots. So, you're really not in distress?"

I sighed, taking my seat at the shogi table and refraining from mentioning the lapse of peculiarity that occurred last night. A half-sincere smile spread across my face. "Nope. I'm newly married and living the dream. The wonderful Meiko sent me some referrals, so I've gotten a few more clients."

Meiko grunted vaguely in response, stealing one of Yuka's silver generals with a smirk. Yuka made a sound akin to an enraged cat.

"Married life must be wonderful," Miku mumbled vaguely, and an image of Luka flashed across my mind. She sat down. The match commenced.

"This is going to sound bad," I said in a low voice, hoping Yuka and Meiko were too zoned out to listen. "but why don't you… move on? I know you love Kaito. However, maybe it's time."

"You think Gumi has that strong of a hold on him, hm?" Determination gleamed in her eyes, and it wasn't because of the game.

"Honestly, I've never gotten to know Kaito all too well. I'm just worried. You know that Gumi is suspicious, but her shadiness might be darker than you think. I have a bad feeling."

"What do you mean by that? Did something happen?"

Quietly, I recited the conversation I overheard between Gumi and the blond woman. Miku stared at her pieces the entire time, almost giddy that she wasn't crazy, that Gumi _could_ have ulterior motives. Whatever those motives were, I had no idea. Why would someone seriously out to do damage infiltrate this ragtag group of nobodies? What was so special about _us?_

Once again, Luka came to mind. _"Because we're_ 'different,' _"_ she would have said. _"Because we have a destiny."_

We just got back to resuming our game in silence when there was a knock on the door. Miku glided to it and opened it a crack. I could hear her breath catch in her throat from all the way back where I was sitting. She was gently nudged aside by Gumi as she waltzed into the room.

"I heard you were having a little get-together and couldn't pass up the opportunity to join in. I hope you don't mind," Gumi said, her monotone voice exaggerated and sarcastic. It could have been perceived as friendly banter, if I hadn't witness the darkness that passed over Miku's face whenever the other's name was uttered.

Miku looked at me with a question on her face. _Who told her?_

I shook my head. _Not me._ I looked over at the other two, and I hadn't seen them move an inch from their positions since I arrived. That's right. Who told her? "Hello, Gumi," I greeted cheerfully, quickly morphing my demeanor into something a bit friendlier. "We're just playing some shogi."

"Ah, shogi. I've never been too good at it. I think I'll just watch. Ooh, tea. How lovely."

Stiffly, we retook our positions at the board, Gumi now scooting close and observing the game intently. Miku was making horrible moves now, and her eyes flitted over to our new guest every few seconds. After a little while, Miku spoke up.

"I've always wondered, Gumi, where you work."

She leaned back slightly, fiddling a bit with her hair. "A law firm. I'm a paralegal."

"A what?"

"A lawyer without all the perks."

"Really? You go to court and everything?"

"I do."

"Weird you've never mentioned such a big job before."

"It's not a big job. It's a small firm, and I'm not a lawyer. I'm a _paralegal._ "

"Right."

Silence. A few turns later, Miku was in checkmate. Gumi clapped slowly for my victory. Meiko and Yuka's game had ended minutes previous, leaving Yuka all sulky in the corner, consuming her fifth mini cake with no shame. I did a mock bow, hoping to at least pretend to lighten the mood. Miku made an attempt herself.

"Bested by a doctor. I'm not surprised. I was never the smartest girl in school," she said.

"Little do people know," I replied, "that in order to get a degree in psychology, one must pass a course devoted entirely to board games."

"Mayu! You're revealing our secrets!" Meiko chimed in. "You're lucky I don't report you to the—" she dropped down to a whisper. "— _society_ for that one."

"Curses! I've broken the blood pact! I don't have long now. I must go home and say my final farewells to Len." Really, I just wanted to go home. Being in the same room with Gumi and Miku was an exhausting experience.

"Go, child!" Meiko assisted me in my plea to leave. "Go right this instant! Their eyes are everywhere!"

I pretended to be terrified, leaping out of my seat and heading for the door. Quickly, as I made my exit, I thanked Miku for inviting me and said goodbye to everyone.

That night Len had another dream that spurred him out of bed and out of the room. This time I couldn't fight sleep.


	19. Special Agent Kagamine Mayu

It was one of those rare winter days when the sun shines just bright enough to melt the snow, exposing the gray and damp city for what it is. The day would be gone in an instant, a warm drift before a storm. I had been waiting for one of these days, a day in which no snow would crunch under my feet. Not being detected was essential, you see, in my mission. That's right.

Special Agent Kagamine Mayu is back.

Gumi stopped at a traffic light, and I side-stepped behind a pet shop and out of sight. Pressing myself against the wall, I tried to catch my unruly breath. I had been following her for an hour now, ever since she left from work.

Special Agent Kagamine Mayu would stop at nothing until she reached the truth!

I reminded myself to stop thinking in third-person. It was really creepy. Even creepier than stalking my friend and lying to my husband about it. Lying was necessary, I told myself. Len had been so stressed and… distant lately. Every night I would find myself awake and watching Len wordlessly exit the room until morning. Sometimes he would sneak back in five minutes before my alarm sounded. Sometimes he didn't bother. So, I just couldn't bring myself to burden him (or me) with this mission. Plus, he was still Kaito's friend, despite how little they talked nowadays. Not that Len would betray my trust and tell him about my excursions behind my back, but…

God, what was I even thinking?

Special Agent Kagamine Mayu hated herself.

The light changed, and we both scurried on our way. I hadn't realized how far away Gumi lived, for we were on the outskirts of the city now, not so far from where Miku's gallery took place. Finally, Gumi veered off her steady course and entered a little pawn shop. This time I was not stupid enough to expose myself in the window, so I just stayed behind and waited. It was a rather sketchy place, all dirt and grease and cardboard advertisement signs. When my target came out, a brown bag accompanied her, and a new look of apprehension occupied her eyes. On the move again.

Three blocks later, Gumi whirled around, and I had no time to duck behind anything. I pretended to be looking at a storefront, hoping my scarf and hooded coat would conceal me.

"Mayu! I know that's you," Gumi called.

I pretended not to hear her, perfectly content with window shopping.

"Mayu!" she shouted again.

Special Agent Kagamine Mayu was decommissioned.

Mechanically, I turned toward her, guilty smile plastered across my face. "Wow, Gumi. So funny running into you here."

She sighed. "I know you've been following me from the start. Let's cut the frilly talk, please."

"Alright," I agreed, slightly disheartened that my detective skills were so abominable. "What's in the bag, then?"

"Ouch. That really was blunt. I'm afraid that's personal, but I appreciate your initiative. That's why I can't stand Miku. She so obviously distrusts me, but she does nothing about it. She's just _lazy,_ letting you do all the work. _Lazy, lazy, lazy._ Like a sloth."

"Are you done?"

"And Gakupo is lustful. And Meiko is gluttonous. And Rin is prideful. And Luka is envious. And Kaito… He's unblemished."

"Luka? Megurine Luka? How do you know her?"

She laughed like I said something really hilarious. "Listen, I've got to run. Please stop following me, okay? There's really nothing to be suspicious about."

"Then, what's in the bag? You didn't seem to mind me following you until it was in your possession."

"And you never seemed to mind my strange nature before you began gossiping with Miku. Don't let her drag you into this game of jealousy. You're above that. Besides, you don't want to see me when I'm angry."

I couldn't imagine this stony girl in front of me angry. Somehow that made the statement scarier. "I'll keep that in mind."

And all the questions left within me vanished from my memory as she began walking away. I watched until she was out of sight. I wouldn't see her again until winter's zenith.

Another night without Len at my side.

"It was just so _weird,"_ I told Meiko in her office, sprawled across from her at the little table against the bookshelves and sipping high-quality tea I could only dream of affording. "That night I half-expected to be killed in my sleep."

"You _do_ look a little sleep-depraved," Meiko commented. She wasn't looking too fantastic herself. "But I can't believe she called me _gluttonous._ I haven't gained that much weight, have I?"

"No, you're perfectly fine. Thinner than usual, actually."

"Yes, well… Work never lets up, does it?"

There were a few moments where we realized how old we looked and felt for people so young and reveled in it. Ever since the wedding, I had been horribly worried about Meiko, about what she said. Really, I was horribly worried about everyone, like I had this responsibility for their happiness, even Gumi's. They asked me to look out for each other, didn't they? I needed to keep my promises, or I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror anymore.

"Maybe you can come over sometime on one of these quiet nights, and we can find out who the ultimate shogi player is. The final match in the tournament," Meiko suggested.

"That would be lovely." I would love to get out of the apartment as much as possible. God, that sounded horrible. I was so tired.

The backdoor creaked open, and Gakupo lumbered in like his limbs were heavier than the all the times he burst into the room in the summer. His striking smile had vanished at some point in the passing seasons, and he barely glanced at us as he picked up some things he left in Meiko's office.

"Hello, Mayu," he said vaguely.

"Hi," I replied. He was gone already, having not offered any kind of greeting to Meiko.

My friend had grown quiet again. "Do you want to talk about you and Gakupo?" I asked.

She breathed in and out slowly. "It's just been weird lately. I don't know when it happened, but he just stopped talking to me. He feels so far away." My heart dropped, because this was exactly what was happening to Len and me. However, there seemed to be some kind of difference between us and them, different rifts. "Do you think if we had a child, he wouldn't have drifted away?"

Only Gakupo and I knew the fact that Kamui Meiko was infertile. We also happened to be the only two people who had seen Meiko cry. "I don't think whatever is happening has to do with that."

"I don't know. I don't want to think about it anymore. It's really all I can think about when I'm alone. Quick, tell me about _your_ love life. The first few months of marriage are so nice, aren't they?" I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. Meiko cocked her head to the side. "Mayu? Everything _is_ alright, right? You said so at Miku's…"

"Len's just really stressed," I said with difficulty. "He's been having these nightmares lately and not sleeping. Neither have I, really, at all. Not for at least three days. Four days. Yes, four. I keep seeing these flashes of light that aren't really there, and every time I look at the night sky, I see flashes of lightening. I realized when no thunder follows the lightening that it wasn't real either. I also have been taking some anti-depressants Len doesn't know about…"

"Oh, my God. Mayu, I don't think you're okay."

"I _am,_ or I _will_ be when Len tells me about the nightmares. If only he'd just _talk_ to me. If only Gumi and Miku and you and Gakupo and everyone could just be _happy."_

"Len has been having nightmares again, huh…" Meiko thought aloud. I forgot that she was his psychiatrist for a while.

"You can't tell me anything about your sessions with him," I said monotonously.

"I know… I'm just suggesting as an educated friend that he is probably terrified."

"Terrified of what?"

"Of something he might do."

"Is this about Rin?" I absently traced my finger over my collarbone, where her scar ran deep.

"I don't know," she replied, but her tone confirmed it.

"He told me once at dinner—just, out of the blue—he said that he couldn't live with himself if anything happened to me. I thought it was sweet at first, but then I realized he was dead serious. It scared me so much."

"None of us know what to do," Meiko said. "But you don't have to take care of all of us."

"I know."

But, in my head, I knew that I did have to, because who else would? Who else would…?

 _"How do they die, Mayu?"_


	20. Crushing

_How do they die, Mayu?_

Miku told me how she met Kaito 53 hours before I could answer that question. We sat in the cold, white world of winter among the bare trees of the park where I told Len for the first time my feelings. Our bodies shook against the blustery wind, but we didn't leave our spots. The storm was close. I could feel it. So very close.

She first laid eyes on Kaito during their first year of college at a study session for graphic design. Her degree was fashion studies; his was marketing. She was a nervous girl from the countryside; he was born and raised in a city up north. Really, they had little in common, but an undisputable force pulled them toward each other. Miku was in freefall. She loved him from the start.

Len and Kaito were already friends by now, and she met him a few weeks later. He was nice, she thought, and seemed to make Kaito happy—she added here how glad she was that we found each other. A match made in heaven. Kaito seemed to be comfortable around her, too, and assumed it was only a matter of time before they would become a couple. _Any day now_ , she would tell herself. _Any moment._

The day and moment never came. Years passed, and nothing happened. They would spend study sessions together, eat at restaurants and cafés, watch movies, play games, and yet… nothing. Maybe the pull for him wasn't strong enough. Maybe the pull didn't exist.

In their senior year, Miku decided to take matters into her own hands. She knew she was pretty enough. She knew she was smart enough, kind enough, likeable enough. Why wouldn't he love her, just a little bit? Just enough for a new kind of relationship to take seed?

They were at her new apartment, the one she lived in still today. Night had fallen. A movie had been playing. It was so dark, and they were sitting so close. The perfect opportunity.

She scooted a little closer. A little closer. Kaito shifted, noticing the change in their proximity. A little closer. Their legs were touching. Slowly, Miku lowered her head onto his shoulder, and they remained like that for the briefest of moments—the happiest moment of her life—before Kaito stood up abruptly, leaving Miku to lean into empty space where her love used to be.

The words he said were "I'm sorry. I understand how you feel, but… it just feels _wrong_ somehow. I-I don't know why. It's not you. I just can't bring myself to care for you that way. I'm sorry."

He said he was sorry a lot, and then he left, Miku's heart in tow. She cried for hours, days, weeks and barely spoke a word to anyone except Len. He turned out to be a great friend. He gave her hope again.

"I haven't spoken to him for a while, though," Miku said sadly. "Is he doing alright?"

"Stressed," I replied quickly, blinking away the past she had absorbed me in. "But otherwise fine."

"That's good. Take good care of him."

"I plan to."

The cold had numbed us to the bone, and we finally stood to search for the nearest café.

 _How do they die, Mayu?_

50 hours before I could answer that question, Luka came in for her weekly appointment. Something was on her mind. The chilly air pinkened her cheeks, and her eyes were as downcast as the brooding sky. I could see the melancholy in her movements, her greeting, her descent into the chair. The tea I shared with Miku still sat warm in my stomach. I realized suddenly how dark the room was but couldn't bring myself to turn on the light.

"Is everything alright, Megurine-san?" I asked, absently twirling my pencil around in my fingers.

"Not really, if I'm being honest," Luka replied.

"Would you like to take your coat off?" She was all bundled up with scarves and mittens, too, like a Christmas present.

"No, I'm fine. I prefer it this way. You see, there's something I need to tell you."

A nervous smile self-consciously pulled at my lips. "That's what I'm here for."

"It's about my… boyfriend. My lover."

"Oh." At last, would she finally tell me more about him? My professional and personal curiosity had been suppressed for months! She was always so laconic and vague, to the point when I thought this boyfriend didn't even exist. That would have been wild, a fake lover. Then again, I wouldn't have been _that_ easily deceived.

"I think he's breaking me off. It's over. It's all over."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." This was out of nowhere. Just last week, she was describing to me how well it was going between them. My heart ached for her, more than I thought it would. "What happened?"

"I think I should start from the beginning."

"Please."

"I met him at my college, actually, when I was taking a walk on campus before the semester started. I was clumsy and dropped my books all over the ground, and he helped me gather them together. When I finally got a good look at him, something just _clicked._ Something small, something old, but something altogether real."

"He was like _'us?'"_

"Yes. It was just after our first session, and I realized now that fate was beginning to intervene in things. It must have been fate… meeting him. We were so good for each other, but there was an obstacle. Well, multiple obstacles, in our way. He didn't want to get involved with me for a very long time."

"What were these obstacles?"

"H-He's a professor, not a student."

I stopped writing abruptly, pencil frozen at the end of the word _"obstacle."_

"Also," she continued, "he's married."

"Married? He's married." Quickly, I regained my composure. It was not my place to judge. However, this relationship was sounding less and less like a remedy to her loneliness and more like a catalyst for destruction. "Sorry, that was just unexpected. I'm guessing he broke up with you because of his wife?"

"Yes, I think so. He's so guilty, he can't even look at her. I told him he didn't need to look at her. He could just get a divorce, but… He loves her still." Tears welled in her eyes. "Yet, he claims he loves me, too. How messed up is that? Can't he just choose?" They spilled onto her winter coat.

I placed my hand on her knee. "Megurine-san, I'm sorry for your heartbreak. I truly am."

Her words spilled out in between sobs. "I-I'll never look at a-another man again. I c-can never love anyone else. I thought he was unhappy with her. Why would he choose h-her? He was so perfect. So funny. So smart. So kind. I loved all of him, even the bad parts." She let out an unexpected laugh. "E-Even his st-stupid long purple hair."

I removed my hand from her knee and stood, feeling like something just hit me in the chest. "Megurine-san… Luka. What did you say his name was, again?" She continued her silent sobbing, mute all of a sudden. My heart's hammering set numbing quakes across my entire body. "Luka, is there something you want to tell me?" Silence again. "Luka!"

"You know his name!" she shrieked.

"Oh, my God. You're joking. This is a joke, right?" I fumbled over to my bookshelf and took the picture of all of us—all of my friends—at the summer festival. She'd seen it dozens of times. She commented on it dozens of times. Returning to her, I pointed at Gakupo, arm around Meiko and caught in mid-laugh. "You're not telling me it's Gakupo."

Shame forced her head into her hands. "Him. It's him. It's always been him, but I couldn't go to another therapist. You're the only one who could help me. Who could be my f-friend—"

"Meiko is my friend," I cut in harshly. "I-I can't believe this."

"Please, don't cast me away. Don't."

"It's a conflict of interest, Luka. Besides, if I wasn't so numb right now, I would be wringing your neck. I'll send you to another therapist, and we will never see each other again." I leaned on my desk, unable to look at her anymore.

"What? No, I'll be all alone. If I'm not with you people, I have no place in this world. You know that. No one will accept me out there."

"You should have thought of that before you slept with my mentor's husband. Go. Go, out of my sight! No matter how much I want you to be happy, I can't let you come into contact with me or my friends ever again. God, why couldn't this be a dream?"

"You're condemning me to a life of loneliness."

I was starting to cry. I wanted to protect them all, and yet I couldn't. The guilt was crushing. "There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry."

Her heavy breathing filled the room for a few moments, then the slamming of a door. Gone. Gone forever. An image flashed across my mind, an obituary in tomorrow's newspaper. Megurine Luka had committed suicide, jumped right off a bridge. No, not gone forever. I burst out into the hallway and called out to her retreating figure.

She turned, cheeks now stained with tears.

"You come by next week and if you tell a soul about it, I'll cast you away for good."

"Okay," she said. "Okay."

The guilt was crushing.


	21. Love & Marriage

The guilt. The guilt. The guilt was crushing

 _How do they die, Mayu?_

27 hours remained until that answer, the cruel and poignant answer, to that question was given to me. Answers, I was learning as I leaned over my apartment's fire escape, were sometimes better left unsought. Mysteries could be blessings. The mysteries of summer, so far away, shrouded the darkness that lurked within every one of us. Naivety was bliss. Or was it?

The tiny people walked along the tiny sidewalks and caught their tiny taxis to take them to their tiny destinations, and I watched them with intensity. In the mountains where I grew up, the higher the elevation, the clearer the air. However, here in the city, the air is all the same, down there and up here, all polluted and miasmic and gray. I inhaled the gray air sharply, wishing it was the mountain air that always relieved my headaches.

Enough with the tiny people. I slowly lowered myself to the floor and nuzzled up in the corner. The metal of the escape burned with coldness. I pulled out my phone and tapped into the courage I had been mustering since yesterday afternoon. Gakupo was the first name on my contact list. Alphabetical order was mocking me.

It rang four times before he picked up. I almost wished he hadn't at all. "Mayu, hello," he said brightly.

Another deep breath of the gray air. "Are you going to tell her, or shall I?"

There was a moment of silence. I could almost hear his thoughts. _What? She couldn't possible mean… She couldn't possibly know…_ "What are you talking about, Mayu?" He forced himself to laugh.

"I really hope you are the one to tell her. She might forgive you, if you do. I don't know if she will or not. Love is an unpredictable thing."

He didn't respond.

"I'm talking about Megurine Luka, of course."

"M-Megurine Luka…" Gakupo repeated. I waited for him to elaborate himself. "How did you find out?"

"It doesn't matter. I owe you no explanation. I would say this is none of my business, but I need to ask you one thing." My voice was becoming unsteady. "Just—why? Why, why, why, why?"

"I… I loved her."

"And you didn't love Meiko?"

"No—I mean yes—I did love her. I _do_ love her."

"That's hard to believe."

"Mayu—"

"You know, I looked up to you two so much. I thought, 'This was a married couple who cared for each other. This is what I want.' Not anymore. Meiko doesn't deserve this." Before he could respond, I added, "You tell her by tomorrow or I will," and hung up.

That was that. It was all out in the open now. Nothing I could do. They were overflowing now, my emotions, and I had to get inside and away from the gray air. I wasn't crying exactly; no tears came. It was more like not being able to breathe. I shut the window behind me, still not able to catch my breath. The change in lighting blotched my vision, but I could still see Len standing in the living room.

"You're home early," I gasped out. Come on, lungs. Get it together.

"What's wrong, Mayu?" he asked, maneuvering between the furniture to reach me.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." I turned away so he couldn't see my full face. My hands were trembling. My phone dropped to the floor. He came close, gently trying to get me to look at him. "Why do you care? Why now, of all times? Go away! Go back to that faraway place you've been living in for weeks! Go away…" Everything I had been pushing down since that first night he left my side came bubbling up to the surface.

He pulled away. "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I finally looked at him straight on. "Where did you go, Len?"

I could see it in his face. The guilt. The guilt. The guilt was crushing. "I was afraid," he said.

"Afraid of what? Afraid of me?"

"No, afraid of… afraid of _hurting_ you, like…"

"Like Rin," I finished his sentence. I noticed just then that I was breathing normally again. He looked at me, frightened as ever. "She told me."

"W-When?"

"The day of our wedding, while I was getting ready."

"Why did you marry me, then?" It sounded like a genuine question.

"Because I love you! Obviously! That's what this is all about! I love you, but you're avoiding me. I _need_ you, Len. I _needed_ you, but you weren't there."

He hugged me. I didn't resist this time. "I'm sorry," Len told me again. "I don't know what I was thinking. The dreams were coming back, a-and I don't know what I would have done to you. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."

"Don't say things like that," I whispered. He was crying. I rubbed his back soothingly. "It's okay. It's okay now. Just—trust me. Don't do something like that again."

"I promise. Never again."

26 hours to go.

I woke up with 14 hours remaining until the question was answered. It was 2 A.M. _How do they die, Mayu?_

He was sitting up, not on the side of the bed this time but right where I left him, legs still covered haphazardly by the blanket. In the harsh moonlight, I could see that he was drenched in sweat. I learned to wake up quickly, to gather my wits about me in a moment's notice. Our heat had been working for a while, but I still felt cold, so cold.

"Hey, another dream?" I asked calmly. He was going to tell me about the dream, and then we'll go back to sleep or stay up together. That was what we agreed to do. That was what was supposed to happen.

"It's here," he replied. "Why tonight? Why now of all times?"

"Len, hey." I sat up. "It's fine. You shouldn't be afraid, remember?"

He grasped his head in his hands. "I can't… think straight… Where am I? Where…?"

I could tell this wasn't like other nights. This was serious. This was what I observed on archive tapes in college, when they trained us to communicate with unstable patients. "Unstable patients" sounded so cruel. This was my husband. This was my husband. "L-Len, you're here. You're in your home."

"Wo bin ich? Wer bist du? Wer bist du? Ich soll hier sein nicht. Bitte. Wo ist sie?"

"I don't know what you're saying. What-What language is that?" Not English. Not French. German. Yes, German. God, what was he saying?

"Uh, I need… I need…" He got out of bed. Out the door.

"Len! Len, wait!" I clamored after him.

He was pacing the kitchen floor. Arms across my chest, I slowly made my way closer. He turned toward me, but his eyes were out of focus. Whatever he saw was certainly not me. "Who are you?" he asked.

"It's me. Mayu, your wife."

"Impossible. Mayu is dead. We're both dead. This place isn't hell. It's not the cube, either. Mayu is dead… She wasn't my wife. She should have been. I should have just run away with her while I still could. Rin… Where is Rin?"

"Rin isn't here." Tears slid down my face.

"This is her fault. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. Who are you?"

"Len, calm down. I don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't want to be here. I'm old. I'm so old. Let me die. Whoever you are, let me die."

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Mayu." He buried his face in his hands. "Where are you?"

"I'm here! I'm right here!" I rushed toward him, but before I could reach him, he grabbed a knife from the countertop and held it against my throat.

"Where is she? What have you done to her this time?" he asked sharply.

The blade chilled my skin. I had to keep calm. If I sobbed, my skin would be pierced. Get it together. _Get it together._ "I'm here. I'm right in front of you. Don't you see me?"

"You always hurt her. Why? She hasn't done anything wrong, not like the rest of us. Not like—" He gasped. The knife rattled to the floor. His eyes widened and cleared, and tears began streaming down his cheeks. I remained tense, the cold edge of the knife still a shadow on my skin. "Oh, my God," he said. "What have I done?"

"Len, it's alright. It's alright. You just had a nervous—"

"Rin told me this would happen. She told me I would hurt you."

"Len, I'm fine." To prove it to him and to myself, I reached my hand toward him. He dodged out of the way and bolted. He was out the front door in an instant, and I desperately pursued him.

 _"How do they die, Mayu?'_

No, stop thinking about that. I needed to find the right words to say. The right words spat in my face and eluded me. _Come on, you're a psychiatrist! Think of_ something.

He ran down the hall and out the door leading to the staircase that would bring him to the roof. I was two seconds behind him. "Len!" I called. "Len, I'm alright! You didn't hurt me! Come back!" Mustering up all my energy, I screamed, "LEN!"

He faltered, ever so slightly. One and a half seconds behind now.

 _"How do they die, Mayu?"_

I gave chase all the way up the five stories and broke out onto the roof. The winter air chilled me to the bone. We were both exhausted from climbing, tripping over ourselves to reach our destination. Mine was Len. His was…

 _"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."_

"Don't you dare!" I gasped out.

His words and my psychiatrist's words from all those years ago reverberated in my mind and filled it completely. Len was at the edge now.

"You promised!" I shouted. "You promised you wouldn't leave me!"

Another hesitation. Just enough. With all the energy left within me, I charged at him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and pulled back.

We both landed on our sides with a thud, Len struck motionless with shock. I thought I might faint. Turning him over onto his back, I looked at Len, hopeful that all the hurt I was feeling showed stark on my face.

"Stop," I said simply. "I swear to God, you stop all this right now or I'll follow you right off that ledge and drag you back from the depths of hell if I have to. Stop."

He covered his eyes. "I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid."

"I know."

"Rin told me the day of our wedding that I'll end up doing this, and you'd leave me. She was right, wasn't she?"

"I don't think that woman has been right once in her entire life," I replied, laying my head down on his chest. "Neither have you, evidently. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you and I'm not going to abandon you?"

"Love isn't the only thing required in a marriage."

I thought of Gakupo and Meiko and closed my eyes. "It's not, but I don't care. I have everything I need."

Cautiously, he wrapped his arms around me. His body shook with sobs. "I love you," he said. "I love you so much."

"I know. I know… I want to tell you a story. When I was a little girl, I had these dreams…"

 _How do they die, Mayu?_

Not like this.


	22. The Storm

This is how they die.

As soon as I walked through the front door to my apartment, my cell phone buzzed anxiously in my purse. Kicking off my chafing high heels, I ruffled past all the cosmetics and loose change and pulled it out. It was Miku.

"Hey," I said as casually as possible, still a little jumpy from the emotions and horrors of early that morning. Len turned around from his niche on the sofa and smiled at me. He had taken the day off work; the rest of the afternoon would consist of just him and me, lounging around and trying to gather our bearings. That's what I thought would happen, at least.

"Mayu." Miku spoke with urgency. Always, that sense of urgency. "Are you free right now?"

"Um, it depends. What's up?" I hopped onto the sofa and rested my head against Len's shoulder. He cocked his head in a question. "It's Miku," I mouthed.

"I'm with Kaito, heading over to Eldoh. This is an emergency."

"Eldoh? Where Gumi works?"

"What other Eldoh is there?" she replied snippily. "Listen, I need you to meet us there. You have to explain to Kaito everything that you've seen. We're confronting this once and for all."

"Confronting? Miku, I don't think that's a good idea. I've gone too far with this—"

"You're turning your back on me, _now?_ Of all times? It's almost over. You just have to come over here."

I rubbed my temples, a lifetime's worth of stress mounting and blistering. I thought it was over. For the briefest of moments, I thought the storm had passed. It never occurred to me that it had barely even started. "I don't know. I have my own obligations."

"Don't you want to know what happened to Kiyoteru?"

"…Alright. Fine." I hung up without another word. Seeing Len's unguarded face tore my heart out. How was I supposed to tell him that I needed to go? "Len, Miku is having an emergency, and she wants me to come to her. I-I'll tell her I can't if you really need me here, but…"

"What kind of emergency?" he asked worriedly.

"It's sort of complicated, something to do with Gumi."

"You need to go?"

"I think so."

"Okay." As I stood up, he did as well. "I'm coming with you, by the way," he added lightly.

"I hate saying this, but it might be— _dangerous._ " _Don't you want to know what happened to Kiyoteru?_ God, what if he was… What if I was putting Len in that same position?

"All the more reason I should go," Len affirmed. "Special Agent Kagamine Len at your service!"

I sighed. "Fine. Fine, fine, fine."

I reluctantly slid back into my God-forsaken high heels, adjusted my skirt suit, and took off with Len's hand firmly grasped in mine.

Gumi was always an enigma, from the very start. As a psychiatrist, I could have very well reasoned that Miku was merely an envious friend, and I was just projecting my frustrations with my marriage onto the mythically nefarious Gumi. I could have said that we were losing our minds, but at some point, I let my heart take precedence over my mind. That was why my stomach was lurching with foreboding. That was why I did all those scheming and not completely lawful things. That was why I told Luka to come back next week, if there was ever to be a next week.

Quietly, I told Len everything that I had seen, heard, and done these past weeks. I even explained Luka and Gakupo and the call I had with the latter, all the information leading up to yesterday when I came into the house unable to breathe.

He wasn't upset that I withheld all this from him until now, but it didn't matter. _I_ felt the brunt of my guilt in its full intensity. I felt a lot of things churning within me as our taxi pulled up to Eldoh and Co. like we were on the River Styx in our passage to the underworld. We were here. However, instead of a three-headed dog waiting at the gates, it was Miku and Kaito, standing away from each other with disgruntled little expressions on their faces.

Ducking our heads, we stepped out of the car. Miku's eyes lit up as we approached. "Good! You brought Len along. Now the whole old gang is back together," she said. "Okay, Mayu. Confirm that all the stories I told Kaito were true. About all those weird things Gumi's said to you. The _slothful_ and _gluttonous_ things."

"Um…" I stumbled. Kaito redirected his accusing eyes from Miku to me. It was proving difficult to admit that I was stalking his girlfriend for weeks. "Um."

"You followed her?" Kaito asked,

"I-I am ashamed to say that I did."

"Len, you too? You hated her so much that you violated her privacy?"

"No!" I cut in. "It was just me! He didn't even know about this until the taxi ride here."

"I _did_ know, to an extent," Len objected. "I'm siding with Mayu and Miku here. Sorry."

Kaito—I wished I knew him better—looked at us like we were crazy. "So, what? You're all going to stand around me and accuse my girlfriend of heinous things you have no evidence of?"

"No," Miku answered. "We're going to go inside and demand answers from her."

"You're talking as if she's committed a crime. _You_ all are the suspicious ones."

"If she has nothing to hide, then she'll have no problem answering our questions."

"I can't believe this."

"Let's just get this over with," Miku said and led the charge inside.

It was quiet as ever within those mahogany walls. The clerks pattered away on their computers, hardly sparing our party a glance. Time seemed to flow differently here, like a moment hadn't passed since my first expedition inside. The only alteration of scene was the short, green-haired woman leaning against the back wall, eyes solemnly on the floor. The brown bag from the pawn shop sat at her feet.

"The security guards mentioned that there were some distinct-looking people loitering around outside. I thought I would save you the trouble of finding my office," Gumi said, pushing herself off the wall and sauntering over to meet us in the center of the lobby. Her voice echoed against the walls, but still, those clerks kept pat-pat-pattering away without a care in the world.

"How gracious of you," Miku replied through gritted teeth.

"I have the chills. If I didn't know any better, I would say that this is a lynching mob."

"We're just here to ask some questions."

Kaito interjected, "I tried to stop them."

"I know, sweetie. It's alright." She didn't smile. She so rarely smiled. "Well, you gathered the troops here. Ask away."

Miku straightened her back, like she was placing the paralegal on the witness stand. "Well, to start, what's up with the brown paper bag?"

Gumi cradled it in her arms. "I think you'd need a search warrant for that answer, Officer Miku." Miku stepped forward and attempted to snag it, but Gumi weaved out of the way. Kaito shouted in protest. "That was awfully presumptuous of you."

I looked at Len, unsure if I should intervene. He shook his head. We'll see how it plays out for now. "Is this really a law office? There's no indication of it on your sign out front. And who's your boss anyway? Who did you grow _'too attached'_ to, hm?" Miku went on.

Gumi's eyes flashed to me for the briefest of moments. Something like surprise manifested in her eyes. "I didn't realize you were eavesdropping on my conversations, too."

"Don't change the subject," Miku spat.

"Miku!" Kaito spoke up again. "Stop. I know why you're doing this, but you're treating Gumi like a criminal. You don't know her. You're really hurting her right now."

"Yeah, she looks so _hurt._ " That was a solid point. After the initial surprise wore off, a sort of amusement danced around her face. We were playing a little game, shogi in Miku's apartment. "Gumi, stop changing the subject."

"If you must know, I grew too close to a client. I thought of her as more of a friend and was blind to her guilt. That's all." No, that wasn't right. I heard that conversation word for word, and that simply wasn't the context. Before I could say so, Gumi cut in, "Kaito, can I talk to you in private?"

"Why?" Miku asked.

"Was I talking to you?" she seethed.

Kaito hesitated. Did he see what I saw in those cold, cold eyes? "Alright."

"There's a courtyard right beyond that back door. Come on." Gumi gingerly took him by the hand. Before she was out of sight, she looked at me over her shoulder and—I swear to God—she _winked_ at me. She _winked._

"That could have gone better," Miku admitted. Her face was red from anger and frustration.

"Yeah," Len agreed. I could hardly hear them. She _winked_ at me. Why would she do that? I felt sick to my stomach. Why was she trying to tell me?

We waited in the silent ghost lobby for five minutes, and they weren't back yet. Five minutes wasn't such a long time, but to me, it was five eternities. Why did she wink? Why?

"I think I'm going to check on them," I said.

"Are you sure?" Len asked.

"Yeah. Something doesn't feel right."

My heels clicked against the marble step by step. My legs were wobbling. What was wrong with me? The cool wind hit me, then the snow. Little white pixies floated down from the gray sky, filling the gray air with something akin to magic. The courtyard was walled in on all sides, dead grass spread across it like a disease. It was crude and dirty, but it almost looked presentable under the falling snow. I almost smiled. Almost.

Gumi and Kaito stood seven paces away from each other, Gumi's black leather outfit a blotch in the white. I didn't see that the brown bag had fallen to the ground, or why she was pointing at him. Kaito's arms were held up in a defensive position, and that's when I looked back at Gumi and saw the pistol.

I covered my mouth to keep from screaming. Unable to do anything else, I watched in horror as Gumi began speaking. "It's nothing personal," she said.

"Gumi, I don't know why you're doing this, but you don't have to. Here, let's just go home. Let's go home," Kaito replied in a choked, hardly audible voice.

"It's too late. It was too late from the start. How I wished I could keep you. I-I would say in another life, it could have been better, but our lives are almost out. I wish you knew what that meant." Kaito remained silent. "You've been the best thing in the world. If anyone could have changed this moment, it would have been you. I love you."

To my surprise, Kaito smiled. He genuinely smiled. Then, he fell to the ground. I didn't recognize that it was a gunshot I heard until the snow was being tainted dark red. I was going to be sick. I really wished I knew him better.

"Mayu, come out of the corner now. I know you're there," Gumi—the murderer—called. I had no choice. I obeyed. "You just _had_ to come out here, didn't you? Always in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wish I knew why you're here."

"This is it," I whispered. "This is the storm."

I wasn't sure if she heard me until she starting laughing. "What a storm it is! Sadly, not as extravagant as the storms that have passed, or the storms going to come, but a storm nonetheless. Mayu, you should have just stayed at home with your husband."

"Y-You should have stayed at home with Kaito," I replied. "You didn't have to do this."

"What if I _wanted_ to do this? Just like I _wanted_ you and Len to be happy. You should be thanking me. I got rid of every obstacle."

"Ki…What did you do to him?"

"What do you think?"

It didn't take a wild imagination. "Why?"

"Finally, someone asking the _right_ questions! Miku was so frivolous in there. She should have just outright told me what she thought I did. And why? Because I like you, Mayu. We all like you so very much."

"Can I go now, Gumi? Back home. Back to my husband, like you wanted?" It occurred to me that she was a psychopath. A psychopath. She showed quite a few signs. My heart dropped. There wasn't much reasoning with a psychopath.

"I'm here to enlighten you. I'm here to answer your question," she replied, slowly bringing the gun parallel to her shoulders.

"W-What question is that?"

"This is how they die, Mayu." Another shot. That's funny. My chest never hurt this bad before. I looked down. Blood dripped down rhythmically with the falling snow. Red, white, red, white, red. Ah, I got it now.

I collapsed to the ground. Shouting somewhere. Between the blurred lines of my vision, I saw Gumi place the revolver in her mouth and a tiny fountain of blood came out of her head. More shouting. Someone was touching me. Holding me. Tears on my face.

The storm was over.

Eyes still firmly closed, I reached out my hand to try find Len. He wasn't beside me. Panic clawed at me until I dared open my eyes. Wait, this wasn't my room.

Morning light streamed through the hospital room's window in rays, but they didn't quite reach me. I couldn't for the life of me remember why I would be in the hospital, not until the right side of my chest began to throb, like someone's ripped a hole in me. Oh, someone _did_ rip a hole in me.

"You're a very lucky woman, Kagamine-san."

I jumped, sending a new wave of pain through my chest. The man who spoke looked to be a doctor. For some reason, I didn't feel very lucky. "You wouldn't know…" I croaked out, "if the other people with me lived, would you?"

"You're the only one they brought in. Sorry," he said like he wasn't sorry at all.

My head pounded, and I had to lay back. I couldn't save them. I failed. In the worst possible way. "Why am I lucky?"

"It seems your attacker was an expert marksman but didn't know her rights from lefts. You would have been shot right through the heart if the entrance was inverted to the other side. You're also quite lucky that you didn't bleed to death. You had about a fifteen percent chance of survival. Oh, did that put your husband in a twist." He laughed like it was funny.

Just then I noticed the morphine being pumped into my arm. I was too tired to punch this man in the face. Pity. "My husband. Where is he?"

"I told him and everyone else to wait outside until you were awake. I'll go get them."

For the briefest of moments, when I was all alone in that room, I could almost feel Gumi and Kaito watching me. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "Forgive me."

Len came in first, already crying. I realized I was crying too. Wow, morphine really made you realize things in slow motion. He came over gently, careful to control himself, and embraced me on my good side for a very long time. Before he pulled away, he kissed me, and that made me cry even more. Everything happened so fast. I can hardly believe this was the same world I was living in a day ago.

Yuka and Meiko were hysteric. I kept telling them to calm down. I hardly felt shot at all. Anyway, physical pain was only temporary. I felt _used_ to it by now, though I'd never gotten more than a broken arm up until now. I kept asking Meiko if _she_ was alright, knowing very well that Gakupo kept his promise in telling her. I could at least rely on him to do _that._ She wouldn't talk about it, not for a while.

Miku remained in the back, a ghost against the wall. When I looked at her, she smiled weakly. _I'm sorry. I should have done more._

I should have done more.

"I just," Meiko was saying, "I just don't know why she'd _do_ it."

"We may never know," I said.

We never did know.

Not for a very long time.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Gumi. This whole time, Gumi knew.

No, not the whole time. When did it happen? In Enobizaka, surely. Those damn trees. Trees, my ass.

More importantly, that woman. That blond woman. I'd seen her somewhere before. Where, oh where…

I had plenty of time to think in this little green room of mine. No new screaming accompanied this visit. It hurt to think now. I would get all confused about what lives I've lived and who I could trust. No one. I could trust no one.

No, I couldn't think that way. All of them were good at some point. Restart enough times, everyone is bound to be bad eventually. Not bad. Evil. But, is it really their faults? No, it must be that woman's.

I remembered now. Gakupo's mansion.

Burn.


End file.
